Random stuff that has sort of been bugging me

It is weird, the education we receive. I mean, I you have people who have not has an education due to poverty and you have people who are fully educated, but really what is the difference? One has a sheet of paper - no card, fancy card - telling them that they are 'doing we.' 

I've been thinking - that is usually what the problem is - and I think, what is an education? It is something that teaches you things, but the things that it teaches, what are the point? I mean, a person could have a full working knowledge of say something like chemistry without having GCSE's or A levels or any formal level of acknowledgement. 

I mean, yes, GCSE's and A levels can distinguish from who is good at exams and who is not. It can discriminate between those who put too much hard work in from those who only put a minimal, but really, how can one or two exams tell you what you know, when what you know isn't even a fraction of what you should? 

I decided to get back in contact with a couple of people in the previous week. One was a boy and I felt guilty for how we parted. One was a girl and I felt compelled too. She was so wonderful to me, and the beauty of it is that a person does not need to buy you stuff or they do not need to go out of their way with their gestures. I used to get bullied and what she did was she stood up for me. She told the bully that I was actually a nice person. That was 'all' she did, and all she did was so much and she is a person I will never ever forget. In happiness, I will remember to use my words to heal, like she did. In sadness, I will remember that I got over a period of sadness because someone was looking out for me, and that I am not alone.

I also got back in contact with my old form tutor. I love her so much. She was broken. She was happy. She cared and you could relate to her. She was so much for so many and never complained that it was too much and never told you, oh, I am too busy for you. She smelt of perfume and smoke. Life must have got to her; she must have felt stressed and not bothered, but she kept a smile on her face and tried and that it is so easy to say that money and good grades will make you successful, but in general, being a nice person is all you need. 

I mean we all want happiness and success, but at what price? Any? If you have to screw over someone else to get what you want, that is a lie and worst of all, you become a joke. 

Okay, so there is this guy. It is so easy to say, oh, I am the type of girl who won't fall. I am the type of girl who can resist anyone's charm, and I do not need someone else. But that is just one lying to themselves. I try tell myself that, but he was sat in front of me and I could feel my heart pounding and my brain ordering me not to look up and stare at him because he'd think, she's creepy. 

I did eventually and when I looked up, he was looking up and he saw me and I smiled and waved and looked away awkwardly.I really cannot help but think, if that was ANY OTHER GUY, I would have pulled a face. I would have went over and talk to him. I would have felt anything else but awkward and clumsy and embarrassed. Oh and crushed. That is why they call it a crush. 

I sat there thinking, notice me, notice me, OH MY GOD notice me. Ask for my number. Say something. Alas, things were not to be. 

I like him because he seems interesting.

I first met him in a lesson. Our teacher wanted us to go round and talk to each other and so I did and I started talking to him and he must have just like walked off, I think when I was introducing myself and I thought, well it is not as if I am going to talk to him. 

Then this one time I was at the bus stop with a friend and I was talking and being loud and being myself and like sort of walking around and he was there, like, not watching us, but sort of there because he just happened to be, and I thought you are in one of  my lessons when I saw him.

Then like I happened to be next to him in one of the lessons and we had to do this group work thing and working with him was a laugh. 

Then one lesson, he asked me if people compliment me for talking a lot and I thought, maybe he's being sarcastic and trying to say, yeah, you talk way too much, but he was smiling and looked genuine which sort of intrigued me. 

And there is a lot more I could write about, but I feel all ugh, mushy stuff sucks.