I have just posted a post on weight. Talking about weight bothers me so much and it would have been a hard post to write if I thought that someone other than Bob would read it.
I decided to post a list of things I do not like talking about / what I struggle with / have struggled with discussing.
- Weight
- Self harm. I had a convo with a friend regarding self harm before I went uni. I think that this really helped. My general problem with discussing self harm is that people tend to think that it is limited to cutting. However, there are so many more behaviours encompassed in self harm.
- Periods. Well not anymore.
- Future relationships. They scare the hell out of me. Part of me thinks, what if I die alone? I make jokes, but it generally does worry me. Also, guys (not all) use females for their pleasure.
- Suicide... It scares me a bit because I remember a time where that felt like the only option and where I was that messed up that I actually planned an attempt but felt to weak to go through with it. I'm still here, but it scares me a little because no one knew.
- Mental health. I don't mind talking about this now because mental illnesses are so common. However, when I was younger, I was soooo scared. I was the sort of child that thought, damn it, what is wrong with me? I remember in year 7, my brother made an offhand comment about how I am always angry and that I may have problems and that comment never left me. I cried. Then in year 11, I have no idea what happened but I was soooo worried then. Like what the f is wrong with me? Though it turns out, there is nothing wrong with feeling weak, stupid, pathetic, etc.
It is funny really. I make more jokes about the above. It is weird how people deal with stuff by laughing about it. I mean, I often mention that I am crazy. I joke about dying alone. In fact, I have realised that I make a lot of jokes about things that have bothered me. For instance, how my mum deals with things through shouting. ("Trust me, you don't want to meet my mum. She's intimidating," I laugh. How my parents weren't happy with my life decisions. ("The funniest thing ever is that they didn't even anticipate me leaving London until results day,") It is a weird way to deal with stuff. I'd like if in Psychology, I learn about a theory that explains this.
On that happy note, I shall end this post.
No actually. What a lot of psychological studies that make people distressed do, is end with a task that makes you focus on a happy event.
So reader... I am going to ask you to focus on something positive in your life in order to get over this post.
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