sort of an update

So stressed. Exams. ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!

I think it is good though a bit. I am not confident. 

Confidence is prone to mistakes. 

If you are confident about a situation you haven't over thought about it a lot.

With exams, if you are nervous, one tends to think, let me go over that and that, hence being more prepared. 

So yeah. I am stressed out but its manageable. 

I guess. 

I mean, I am at a point where it is not too late to say that I can get those 4 A's.

I am tired though. 

Stupid normal distributions. 

I tell people it is good to struggle. 

But honestly with most of the A levels I have not struggled. 

Only with Normal distributions

I hate it! 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!

I bought instant coffee granules. 

A jar for only 50p at Tesco.

And people buy coffee makers and cups of coffee for like one pound fifty a cup! ]

Coffee smells so nice! 

My old form tutor finally replied to my email :) 

She said I am in her thoughts and prayers even though she does not reply often. Paraphrasing. 

I thought about the invisible marks and thoughts others have on others. 

I was listening into a conversation at college and the guy was like looking at yourself you only see what is in the room  but someone else may see through the window.

I think, actually, sometimes it's good not to know the effect we have on others. 

If all the bullies and horrible people knew just how much they scarred their victims, invisibly, would it make a difference?

If people knew how seemingly ordinary actions could make others days, would they feel pompous and arrogant on it? 

One of my friends works as soon as she finishes college and she only gets 3 hours of sleep and sleep deprived, she takes an hour thirty train journey to college. To say that she is shattered is an understatement. It is like saying in the depth of snow, that it is a bit cold. She is always absolutely sleep deprived, yet, she never fails to ask me how my day is, sincerely, and when I have a problem, she never brushes it away or pretends that she cannot see it. 

That means so much to me. 

It reminds me that whilst there are bad people in the world, there are also good people who are considerate and kind.

It makes me feel like I matter. It makes me want to extend the same curtsey - of kindness and consideration - to others.

If she knew she had an effect on me like this, would it make her stop? I do not think so, but with others, they put themselves on a pedstool; feel too important. 

I think it is bad though, that we never know if a person has been thinking about us or not. 

It's so easy to feel forgotten.

Today, I thought, hmmm, I am going to get fruit.