Life is just a bunch of things and bit and bobs.

It is a massive tangle for one to untangle.
A cryptic puzzle. A really hard sudoku challenge.
The type where it is not clear where the numbers go.
You think it goes in one box but there are many more possibilities.
Life, in short is confusing.
I do not know any more.
I do not know anything any more.
My mind is so just ... I don't know.
I spent so much of today saying ugh, I will not do maths next year.
Then when I got home, I told Joy and she said, yes you are and I said I know,
My mind is playing games with me and I do not know.
I said I would not do maths for A levels or past year 10
and here I am.
I said I would not go college Monday and I made the decision over and over and over again like a billion times.
What is wrong with me? Why can't I make like basic decisions without like doubting it? I am literally a mess, aren't I? just jumping back and fourth between one decision and thought and another.
And this is constant, okay. This is everyday. This is on going. Like a tug of war. I don't even know myself. That is the problem. I lack consistency. I over think.
Maybe I lack the discipline to just, you know, stick to something, but that is not true either. Revision for instance. I am sometimes like, ugh, I hate this. However, more often, I can stick to it.
It is messy. Mr Malone described Watson and Rayner as messy. It is a lab experiment, but it is not. It has an IV and a DV but the IV is not well defined. Then there is an observation element and it is a one off so perhaps its a case study, but there are so many categories and it doesn't fall into it easy and comfortably. Maybe that is human life. We have many categories but don't fall in to them, or strictly speaking, out of them. I mean say if we were talking about religion and I described Agnosticism as not believing - well that would not be true. But calling it believing in a God would not be strictly speaking.

It is surprising just how little we know and how knowledge is in the basis of grey areas.