I like that I am myself. I like that I see things my way and have my interests that others may not necessarily like or consider as fun. I like that I am an individual.
One of the ways I express myself is through writing. I love writing so much. It is weird, feeling sentimental about writing, but it is always always a safe haven. It is quite therapeutic too and I feel comfortable in written realms.
I have so many note books. Hahaha, this is literally what I call 'my stuff' included by my printer and phone and boxes.
I find that writing
has been a constant in my life. I am not a consistent person. Life is not consistent.
Nothing is. The only thing is writing. Words will always form a sentence and
even if it is not coherent or even if they do not fall in place, words are always
mean so much more than what they appear.
I write poetry
sometimes. I like it. I like finding out the meaning of words that I have never
used before and using them and feeling as if it is right word. I write poems about things that affect me / things that interest me. I wrote one about flies. Because, it was like, who writes a poem on how beautiful flies are?
Now, though, I mostly
write letters. I have literally got a box full of letters and stuff that I have
written. It is all mine. We have a rule in my house – do not touch Linda’s
stationery or books, and most importantly, if she has written something, YOU CANNOT
READ IT unless she has given you permission.
I have so many letters. And cards as well. I looooovvve cards. I love keeping things. Words mean so much, when they are genuine and I like looking back and seeing all the happy moments that I have been blessed with and all the unhappy stuff.
This is a page from my 'words' book. I love words. I think that they are beautiful, so I have a note book just for collecting words.
So yeah, writing is
one of my passions. It is something I cannot live without and I find it is a
great way to express myself.
I also have found new
found love in colouring. Normally, I would draw in black and white in pen. Like
this.
The above is what happens when I get bored.
The above is a picture of me and my best friend in the girls gym on the official last day of high school.
My favourite picture is one I drew of my form tutors for year 11. I do not like drawing faces. I am crap at that. However, when I look into the pictures, being faceless makes me remember all the things that you cannot actually see, that is there. Like I remember all the memories. I remember Mrs Hamdoun's office and her giant plant pot, that always looked out of place. I remember that she refused to let anyone take it when she left and that she left it for her department. I remember that I found her weird at first but that she was really so nice and she could read between the unspoken words. I remember all the time she sacrificed for me. When I see Mrs Saeed, I remember the pepper plant I got her when I left and that so many people were like, but why did you get a pepper plant. Her reaction was like, sort of like, I do not know why I need a pepper plant, but I love it anyway.
I remember that she was there for me a lot. That this was a safe place. And if there were faces, it would be a picture. Being faceless allows my mind to drift and see things that are not explicitly there.
However, recently, I
have been finding colouring is quite appealing. I had been meaning to buy
paints. I had been waiting for a sign as well. I thought, hmm, well it does not
work like that. I am going to do my A level
exams soon. I do not need something to occupy my time. Then I realised, that
yes, indeed, I did, to prevent myself from overloading myself with mountains of
revision. That was the first sign, sort of. I needed something fun and
enjoyable to do. Then my mum told me to Argos with my brother to get a phone
and they gave us two ten pounds vouchers. I took one and my brother did. ‘Do
not tell mum or dad,’ we agreed. Then I went to Argos and I saw on the screen
that they were selling a treasure box colour in half price. So I thought, hmm,
may as well. I made it my mission to decorate it, and well, it was sort of a
sign to get pain. Ever since though, I have realised that instead of just
drawing, I want to colour as well.
I am also passionate about projects.
It is like, one day, I wake up and think, hmmm , I really want to do this.
My latest one is colouring revision notes, where I draw pictures and leave words to a minimum. It is working really well. And it is fun. I revise and I do not even acknowledge it, because in my mind, it is making something and I like making things.
I wouldn't call this much a passion (it sort of is), but one of the ways I express myself is through revision. I do not know. It's weird. People usually avoid it. However, I am motivated. See and it is not even motivation. It is a part of me. I think that revision brings out the creativity, problem solving, logical, resourceful, capable, rational, confident me. I do not have to worry about what the mirror reflects and if my clothes match and if I am good enough. None of that matters, really. I used to think I was unable and that I was a liability, but revising, as well as all the above, help make me feel like the best version of me.
It is weird how interests and passion and being able to express yourself is makes a placid life so interesting. See, I do things that people would consider boring or not their thing. I do things that make sense to me and that make me feel positive. The beauty of it, is that, they are all things that are secluded in my little bubble. No one in the outside world has to know or care, so it is all mines. I am never in competition with anyone. It is not like the outside world where we are driven to try and be the best. It is not where you look at what someone else is doing and envy, or feel good about yourself.
My passions have nothing to do with anyone else. It is all about me. It is the way I am can be selfish and take a break.
Good night guys. It's 22:38 and I have college tomorrow and I love my sleep. My bed is calling. :)
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