Hello

I thought I'd update you.

At uni, there is a wellbeing service and they have half an hour drop-ins every other weekend.

I decided that perhaps I should go to one and talk about my eating. That perhaps they could outline a strategy.


It was a bit scary because I don't like labels and I wasn't seeking like a diagnosis or something. It was more just, I do not want things to get any worse than it is and so may as well try and tackle is at as soon as possible.



It was really funny really. Before the session I was sooo nervous and I felt like either crying or leaving. Then when I went in the room, all I could focus on was her green hair. At one point, she asked me how my friends would describe me and I said definitely talkative and that they would say that I laugh a lot. At which point, she laughed and said she laughs some times when she feels nervous and I was like, yep, I know that feeling then she said my laugh was contagious.

She suggested that I try counselling (which I am not too keen on) or maybe IAPT (which is going through therapy through GP).

Alternatively, she suggested I try some self-help (which I was more keen on).

She sent me links for positive psychology strategies (which she thinks may help me to focus on something other than food). I've briefly looked through the practices and they seem rather character building in general, like the sort of thing people should do regardless so here's a link if you want to take a look : http://ggia.berkeley.edu/#filters=featured

Also, she sent me links to an eating disorder work booklet (which sort of scared me because eating disorder? She didn't say, but like I was worried).

I think I'll try the self-help.

I don't think I have an eating disorder and even if I did, I am happy with life. Therapy and counselling is for unhappy people. I'll only be wasting their time.


Though on the other hand, I thought, but like my eating has never been great. I have never felt in control with my eating or weight. I was obese when I was 10 (according to my BMI). Until recently, I have never been able to tell whether I am full or not, If I am honest. Before I started uni, I struggled when it came to trying to go three hours (or longer) without food. The only times I did was when I went out somewhere.

 And whilst now, I finally feel like I have control, it's become rather obsessive. I am eating healthily which is great but it doesn't feel great. Will I ever be in a place where eating and food isn't a problem?Hopefully. We'll see.

By the way, this post was really hard to write.

Love you.