Difficult conversations

Today, A and I went to see the subwarden for our accommodation.

We had reached the stage where we were regretting our decision to live with J. We literally have to tip toe around because if he catches wind that we are together or that A has left her room, he sort of tries to find us.

With A, she feels bad and always has to sit with him during lectures and as a result, she's not been able to make more friends. It sucks in the respect that she is trying to introduce him to people but he doesn't make an effort meaning that she is feels obliged to look after him.

With me, I feel like I am guilt-tripped into spending time with him, the way he messages me. It is the 'oh, don't worry about me, I'll be fine,'s and the sad faces when I haven't got time.

Friendship shouldn't feel like an obligation.

We know he has a mental illness. We know that it's not a choice or a preference - if it were, who would choose to go through such agony?



Our accommodation warden told us to talk to him. To tell him that he was putting so much on us. To tell him that we aren't trained and that he should seek help from elsewhere whilst still sort of saying that he should come and talk to us because obviously, it is good that he's talking about his problems. She told us to tell him that me and A need time alone and that we aren't trying to exclude him. We were also told to say that it was be helpful if he told us what we could do to help as opposed to just sat there.

And she told us she knew it would be a difficult conversation but that it was necessary.

I felt like laughing all the conversations are difficult.

Telling him he should seek help.

Telling him to text me and not knock on my door.

Responding to him when he's sort of guilt tripping me.

It's all difficult. What's one more difficult, honest, conversation?



We talked to him as soon as we had the meeting.

We tried to skirt around the topic - he thought we were just going on a walk.

We were five minutes in and A and I were both so nervous and unsure of what to say and so I was like, we need to talk to you.

AT which point, we figured out that we had no idea how to articulate our points, so it came out as waffly nonsense.

But he understood and he appreciated our honesty.



I guess now we wait and see what happens.

A was super happy about things. I should have been but I felt like hiding away in my room and never dealing with human interaction because it was a good response, yes, but I still felt so tense.

(But half an hour later, I was perfectly fine, running through the corridor with A on my back).