Dear Bob,

On the bad days,
when I'm all alone
the world is streaked with shadows
and the moon hangs solemnly.
The sun, weary, shines half heartedly
The shadows so silent and sly:
grasp at my ankles; reduces me to my knees;
slips its dense arms delicately around my neck
and steals my breath away.

On the bad days,
all alone, away from the scrutiny of light
all alone in the coarse coal black night,
I roam relentlessly and endlessly,
trying to conjure a smile;
desperately trying to be happy
but all alone the burden I bear is my own -
the stress, sadness and sorrow sit heavy like a stone

On the bad days,
with you, I find myself laughing horrendously,
my face wrinkling and creasing involuntarily.
I find sometimes I simply cannot get words out
when I am asked if I am okay
but that it doesn't matter, because my problems
has left to torment me on another day.

On the bad days,
with you, I, the person framed in nature
to stress and worry,
find myself: carefree, confident and capable.

On a bad day,
just thinking of you, I smile to myself
and I am grateful for how powerful
the gift of friendship is because
I have many bad days alone;
none when I am with you.



Okay, writing this has made me go a little bit like emotional. Like, I do not know if you have noticed, but I cry quite a lot. Hahahahaha. Love you lots. I don't want you to go Poland. But when you go, hope you have fun and that you miss me lots. But until then, I am afraid that you are pretty much stuck with me.

This year, has been tough. Like not in the sense, like with exams and getting stuff done, but as in like going it College. After you left, I realised that I did not really need to make friends when you were there. I also realised that the friends we had previously were 'our' friends. they knew us - Bob and Trevor - they did not really know me. Then I thought like, what do I do now?

It has been good though. Like making friends, apart from you and getting to know other people better.But then sometimes it hurts. Like the past couple of weeks before College finished, I did not really get to see you much and you were busy with course work and when I did see you, there were always other people and we could not catch up properly. There was like a couple days were I was like, okay, fine, I will not message or call her or anything because she does not need me. I wouldn't really blame her if she was like sort of relieved that I am not like their all the time. I thought like, what if I just annoy her and what if like she does not want me to message or call and if whenever she sees my messages, she thinks, oh God, not Olu again, she is so boring and such a drama queen etc. What if you think, she argues with her mum too much and then cries about it too much. Hahahahaha. I was like, what if I am just inconveniencing you?
Then I sort of caved and called you on like a Sunday, which I cannot remember the date and I heard your voice and I was really happy.



Anyway, good night. It is way past my bed time. Hope you had a nice time at the beach and hope you NEVER EVER EVER forget that I love you and that I care about you so much.

Ugh, the cheese.

You're such a hideous creature.