Dreadful anticipation

Today at the Foodbank, I had to explain to a girl that I wouldn't be gone for just a week as she thought. That I will be going for ten weeks. She is half my age and so the nature of our friendship is mainly us playing computer games and talking about random stuff. As she is so young, she does not really understand my reasons for leaving and she was so distraught that she began to beat me up and made me promise that for her birthday I will take her to the arcade and that I will come to her house in the holiday.

Everything was sort of centred around me going. Everyone was telling me good luck and after every body left we had a meal together. It was so sort of final with all the goodbyes and presents and it is like, why is everyone making a big deal about things?

Only, it feels now like SUCH A BIG DEAL and it is like, how did I fail to comprehend that I am taking this MASSIVE step out into the unknown? I will know scarcely anyone and I will be responsible for EVERYTHING and I realize now how sort of vulnerable that makes a person if that kind of makes sense.

I am leaving my childhood behind and it feels so bad.


I remember when Andrew (old priest) left the church, he wrote all the young adults a letter and that at the moment is an inspiration for me (like three years later). I did not understand then and now I do. (Perhaps I should email Andrew to tell him this or would that be weird?) Anyway he wrote: