2016

Okay, so it is 2016 tomorrow.

I cannot wait to cross a day of my calendar.

I have never had a calendar before.

This post is basically, me just looking back at 2015.


Awkwardest moment - I have had many embarrassing and awkward moments this year. It's not even funny. I think the most awkward would have to be talking to my boss and like stuttering for a minute and forgetting why I was there and her looking at me like, you are really weird.

Most inappropriate thing said - Well I cannot remember much of the inappropriate stuff I have said. It was probably an innuendo to Gonkie (Goncalo, an old high school friend, sort of).

Worst moment - when I cried in front of my parents. I do not think I ever have, since I was a baby, so yeah, it was sort of a big deal. My dad did not talk to me for a week or so, because he felt guilty about making me cry and feel upset. Like I do not mind being vulnerable but in front of parents, nope.
Also, not talking to my younger brother for 2 weeks. He was angry that I pushed him.

Weirdest conversation - I think it was talking about beheading with Hasan on the bus. Weird, because I did not see it coming. We were both sat together awkwardly. I was raking my brain thinking, jheez, just say something. Then he started talking about beheadings and whilst I think it is important to talk about current affairs and the news, I was still sort of like, huh? When he got of the bus, Mahamood looked at me sort of questioningly as to why I was smiling and I was like, we were talking about beheadings. I wasn't smiling because I was talking about beheadings. I was just sort of trying to wrap my head around it.

Most adventurous moment - I think I will have to put going to Oxford. NCS was quite the adventure. I got to try out new things and meet new people. However, I have chosen going to Oxford, because first of all, I was outside of London, all by myself. I went on strolls in the evening with friends and I had the freedom to explore - well within limits, I guess, but still.

Happiest moment - 4A's for A levels. I cried. I even bought myself a happy meal after. There have been so many though. I feel happy whenever I see my friends. I feel happy when I read a good book or when I am doing something I like. Most of this year has been happy. So if I were to make a 2015 Happy list, I would still be typing this time next year. I particularly enjoyed getting on the buses with Agata and Amelia and walking to Wembley with Lamis. Really made me start mornings off happy.

Saddest moment - Well, I guess, applying for Oxford was a bit of a sad time for me, because I was so like sucked out of energy and enthusiasm. I would literally think, I don't want to study. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to bother. I even thought, I just don't want to leave the house this morning and get up early. And usually, I love to wake up early. All things that I guess make up the person I am, studying, talking, motivation and enthusiasm and it was temporarily gone. It was sad because of the stress. There was getting my personal statement perfect and my peers were like, why are you stressing, the deadline is in January. Or like, I think you are obsessing with your personal statement a bit too much. The ones who weren't were like, jheeze, you have the grades and you are applying to Oxford and have so much potential, whilst I am a piece of crap. You have no right to be stressed or feel down. Mike was telling me that my statement was not personal enough and careers were telling to remove personal stuff out. Then, there was the TSA preparation. It was so easy to doubt myself. Verbal reasoning is not my strong point. I can write essays, but they aren't always good. There was also that I sort of slipping grade wise. Also, that my parents were not on board with my decision. It was either I concede and be a pushover or that I go against my parents and disappoint.

Thing I regret the most - I don't know about that... hmmmmm. I am not really thinking about what if's and I could haves because I look at my life, and I am content with it.

Most shocked moment - Getting an Oxford interview. Still feels surreal. Like, me? I am actually good enough to get an Oxford interview?

I have had a bunch of other moments that I forgot to categorize. Really, I think my friends and family have made this year a great one for just sort of being there and I am happy that I can look back at the year and like think, I was never alone and always cared about.

Au revoir