The not so great...

I have been ill for a while. Not ill as in, full blown cold. I can still do things. However, I can still feel the cold is there in the background. Instead of resting, I have been cramming every second with something to do and really, I am just tired and I am dreading doing things.

I just want to stay in bed and hide away from the world. I don't want to leave my room and face the world. I don't want to respond to messages. I don't want to eat properly. I don't want to start Uni. I don't want to be around people. But I know I have to so it sucks.

I looked at my time table and the next days I have some free days all to myself is 7-8th October. I am working weekends to then. I am volunteering all next week. I am training for volunteering for an open day on Thursday. Next week Monday, I am training for another volunteer role and also working. On the Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, I am taking part in a programme. On the Wednesday next week I am volunteering. The week after that is when Uni starts. I will be on a stall on the volunteers fair and going to the soc fairs with Nabz. Additionally, I will be spending evenings preparing for my URSS project and researching it.

Also, things with food feel slightly on edge. Anthony and Joy came up for two days and for dinner, we were in Iceland and the picked up frozen pizza, chips, chicken nuggets and cheesecake. I was mentally panicking thinking I cannot eat all of that (we had Gregg's for lunch as well!). Then today, there was like so many packs of crisps and snickers and we basically ate all junk food all day. To top it off, I weighed myself yesterday and my weight remained stable but I spent so much time after that getting annoyed at myself for not losing weight. I feel more and more like I am losing control with food and I know this sounds stupid, but I really want to restrict calories. I want to stop eating meat and rice and pasta and potatoes and junk and crappy food. I just want to be good again. Only I know very well that I shouldn't give in.

Honestly, I just feel so not motivated thinking about it and even though I really do not want to, I may start back at Uni already burnt out and it will be my own fault for just not looking after myself properly and for prioritising work, volunteering and other commitments over my health.