Joy and Anthony came up to Warwick on Tuesday morning and we had a great time!
I played Monopoly for the first time and it was really fun - though both Joy and Anthony proclaimed that it spoiled families and friends which I did not understand until we bought property.
They met Nabz and Tiff which was great. They loved Nabz - they agreed with me and felt like she was a Londoner - and they liked Tiff, though felt like she didn't like them. Also, she told my sister that moving out and University is shit and Joy wasn't too pleased about someone spoiling her excitement. We went to Coventry and just chilled in IKEA. It was really fun.
I have enjoyed not having wifi. I have had to walk to the library at Uni to use the internet. It is refreshing in the respect that I do not feel like I am a slave to technology. Also, I have enjoyed having my own room and being home alone. I have been sleeping a lot earlier and I wake up in the morning and feel refreshed and go on a walk and breathe in the cold morning air and it feels so amazing. All alone, I feel so unattached if that makes sense. I am not a friend or a sister or a student or anything to anyone. I am just myself in my own space and I am free and not responsible for anyone else apart from myself. I don't know. I do not have to worry about my little sisters' eating and about my mums' spending and my dads' health problems and getting good grades and looking presentable for others.
I earned 130 pounds working for two days which feels good. On one day, I was making sandwiches - by this, I mean I was literally buttering bread for seven hours. On the other day, I was a fake diabetic patient. Medical students have to do exams called OSCE's where they go around in circuits and do 15 tasks. Each one is 9 minutes - two to read and seven to do the task. They had to explain to me that they were going to give me an insulin and flu injection. They had to explain the routes and check my records and then perform the injection on a fake arm. And I got paid for that. For sitting. They gave us free breakfast and lunch and we got to sign we did an extra 15 minutes we didn't do and we did nothing for an hour and still got paid. It was brilliant.
Wednesday, 13 September 2017
The not so great...
I have been ill for a while. Not ill as in, full blown cold. I can still do things. However, I can still feel the cold is there in the background. Instead of resting, I have been cramming every second with something to do and really, I am just tired and I am dreading doing things.
I just want to stay in bed and hide away from the world. I don't want to leave my room and face the world. I don't want to respond to messages. I don't want to eat properly. I don't want to start Uni. I don't want to be around people. But I know I have to so it sucks.
I looked at my time table and the next days I have some free days all to myself is 7-8th October. I am working weekends to then. I am volunteering all next week. I am training for volunteering for an open day on Thursday. Next week Monday, I am training for another volunteer role and also working. On the Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, I am taking part in a programme. On the Wednesday next week I am volunteering. The week after that is when Uni starts. I will be on a stall on the volunteers fair and going to the soc fairs with Nabz. Additionally, I will be spending evenings preparing for my URSS project and researching it.
Also, things with food feel slightly on edge. Anthony and Joy came up for two days and for dinner, we were in Iceland and the picked up frozen pizza, chips, chicken nuggets and cheesecake. I was mentally panicking thinking I cannot eat all of that (we had Gregg's for lunch as well!). Then today, there was like so many packs of crisps and snickers and we basically ate all junk food all day. To top it off, I weighed myself yesterday and my weight remained stable but I spent so much time after that getting annoyed at myself for not losing weight. I feel more and more like I am losing control with food and I know this sounds stupid, but I really want to restrict calories. I want to stop eating meat and rice and pasta and potatoes and junk and crappy food. I just want to be good again. Only I know very well that I shouldn't give in.
Honestly, I just feel so not motivated thinking about it and even though I really do not want to, I may start back at Uni already burnt out and it will be my own fault for just not looking after myself properly and for prioritising work, volunteering and other commitments over my health.
Sunday, 3 September 2017
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