Research assistant

I finally finished the transcribing so I applied for another research assistant position. 

The guy emailed and told me to meet him in the Psychology common room at 9am. I got there nd he was late and I was panicking thinking, what if I was there on a wrong day?

I thought the meeting would take ten minutes at most, but it actually took fifty!

At one point he asked me, "Do you know much about my research?" And I thought, crap. I didn't think of reading anything up!" I said, "Um... wasn't there something to do with gambling?" He said yeah and then told me what it was about.

He told me of three projects I can get involved in and asked me what I am interested in and I told him about my first-year project and so he said if there is anything he can find regarding social media he'll let me know.

I feel really optimistic because he pretty much said that I can be involved in his research for as long as I want! :)

I am going to get the work done fast and efficiently so I don't let him down! :) 

Essay feedback

I had essay feedback with my personal tutor yesterday. 

Basically, my essay was bad, but my conclusion was good. 

Also, she thinks I am not confident enough about myself. 

That I sometimes hold myself back and don't say stuff that I want to. 

I found that weird because I would have thought that people think the opposite if that makes sense. 

For instance, I answer questions in lectures and if I need help, I will ask for it.

Also, I talk a lot to people, even people I have just met. 

I laughed all the way through the tutorial because I had no idea how else to react. 

I knew it was not an attack and that she was trying to encourage me and that she gave up half an hour of her life just for me.

But, also, she was saying that my spelling and grammar wasn't the best and that I should have let someone look over it - which I actually did this time.

And she asked me if I looked at her previous feedback and I did. She told me I needed to define terms which I did. She also told me my conclusion last time wasn't strong so I worked on that. 

It was most definitely useful and I want to do better on my essays so after exams, I will redo all my essays and ask her to look at it for me. 

It is just that her comment about my confidence level annoyed me a bit. Because, she sort of looks at me like, I am pretending to sort of be something I am not. I would have thought I am confident, but am I really? And I don't want to question that if it makes sense. 

I went to Warwick today and after handing in the USB to the postgrad student, I met up with Nabz and we were talking. At some point, our conversation got deep and we were talking about happiness and it was quite a sad topic ironically, because no-one seems to be happy these days.
For instance, we were discussing our university friends and they are all just so unhappy with life and themselves.

There is one, whose super rich, super smart and she is the unhappiest of us. She, I guess is rich in terms of money, but hasn't been in terms of relationships, for instance, she had no friends growing up and her parents left her with a child-minder growing up. It is sad because she has had everything materialistically. However, lacks the things that many people take for granted.

 There is another, who makes too many suicide jokes to not feel concerned. She too isn't the happiest of people but she tries.

I bumped into Paula today. Still as crazy as ever. It was brilliant. It's funny really because me and Paula are complete opposites. She likes to drink and party, whilst I find that aversive. She is laid back whereas I am not. As in, she'd be the person to leave an assignment to the last minute whereas I am panicking about it five weeks before. Yet, despite our many differences, I really like her andI guess we have a similarity in the respect that we both talk a lot. It's funny because at first, she was a bit scary.

The cutest thing ever

I was in Tesco and there was a baby in a trolley. She was a baguette but her teeth were so small that it wasn't working. I was staring at her amused and she looked back at me, smiling.

Today was Easter. 

Usually, on Easter, the church is crammed full with people. So much so, that during the service, someone from the hospitality team tries to discretely add more chairs to the back. This doesn't escape anyone's notice though. Most of the people who come for Easter are never seen again until perhaps Christmas or Easter the following year. 

Peace

I remember a sermon that the old priest gave in Church and she commented on this. The world isn't peaceful, but we need to strive for finding little pockets of peace in the midst of everyday life.

I feel like this is a very important message especially considering the situations that are happening in the world. It is sad to see that society seems not to be learning from its mistakes, but instead making the same ones again. It is sad to hear the news of innocent people dying and it is not great thinking about Brexit and Trump being president. It may seem really bleak at the moment seeing what is going on. And then, there are the problems of everyday live itself. Arguments. Tense situations. Stress. Worries. It is really easy to feel like peace isn't achievable. 

However, I think my old priest was right. We can find peace if we look for it, and not in a, I am going to ignore all the bad things that are happening way, but realistically. For instance, I feel at peace when I am at Northala fields, sat at the top of a hill and just focusing on breathing. I am under no illusion that life will be perfect and that problems will solve themselves, but I just find myself drained of negativity and worry even if just for a moment. I also feel peaceful when I am revising or volunteering or drawing. 

Peace on a large scale, may seem far off unfortunately. But, I really do think that we can all find peace in an individual basis.

Doctor Who

I am so happy. New season of Doctor Who and it looks promising! :)

Here is a list of stuff that has made me happy since the 7/03/16

I started the list because a friend was in a bad state and she was like, please tell me something happy and I couldn't think of anything. I was sat behind my computer screen thinking, but nothing positive has happened in ages! Then, when I realised that I thought this, I sort of freaked out because I thought, oh wow, what has happened to me? I mean, I have ups and downs, everyone does. But usually, there is at least something making me happy and I couldn't find that. So, I decided to made a list on all the things that made me happy.

1) Phone call from Agata
2) The Galentine's day cards I made.
3) Water spilling on my desk and missing my laptop.
4) Watching Girl on the train with Tiff
5) Watching La La Land with Tiff and Milly.
6) Watching TedX talk with Tiff and getting to know her better.
7) Zainab (daughter) making me the apron.
8) Teaching Joy how to make pancakes.
9) Christian union, wonder event. The mafia boss turned Christian.
10) Finishing the Transcription.
11) Always going to Alicia's room when she's on skype.
12) Call to Amelia.
13) Drawing raindrops and watching the DUFF.
14) Walking to IKEA Coventry.
15) Playing table tennis.
16)

I made a list the other week when I was very much focused on how I am eating too much and how i am going to gain weight.

The list was of things that I like about myself irrespective of my weight, which is as follows:

a) I laugh a lot
b) I can draw
c) I am hard working
d) I try to be nice to people
e) I get along with people
f) I am serious about stuff (i.e. my education) but still know how to take a joke.
g) I don't drink alcohol
h) I enjoy a walk
i) I don't spend much money
j) I try to be respectful to people
k) My sight and hearing is good

All of what I have

Here are some stuff I am grateful for in no particular order.

1) Somewhere to sleep
2) Warm water
3) Friends who I can trust
4) The sense of stability
5) I can move about
6) Money
7) Food and drink
8) The capability to love and trust
9) Family
10) An education
11) Ability to make own decisions
12) Technology (e.g. my phone)
13) Nice weather
14) Clean clothes
15) Peace and quiet
16) Books
17) Being able to enjoy things
18) Problems - they suck at the time, but I feel like lots of things have a silver lining. For instance, having responsibility over my siblings means I am able to look after myself.
19) Music

Hello!


I sort of have been thinking. I need to eat more balanced. At university, I manage to. But I feel like I am not allowed to eat most foods and I go overboard. Then at home, I still feel like, 'I shouldn't be eating this,' but I do anyway and then worry about gaining weight and I have been thinking, if I were able to maintain a balance between that, I would be okay.

I feel like even though my eating patterns feel bad, a plus side is that I am able to eat healthily. As in, I do eat vegetables and fruit. Also, I do not drink many drinks high in calories or sugars. Also, there is so much I won't eat unless it is bought for me / in the house. Therefore meaning, if I am not surrounded by biscuits, I won't eat them.

OMG, I am in love.

Just watched how to train a dragon 1 and toothless is soooo cute!

A guide on how not to be awkward


1) For me, just not talking.

Rewatching something on lecture capture and the lecturer is like, 'actually, I don't understand any of this either.'

Mum's back

My mum is back!

I'm going to gain so much weight this holiday.

I don't want to know.

I just want to go back to uni where I can eat better and properly cut food out of my life.

Like here, it's like, I won't eat chips. But if someone shoves chips in my face, then I will eat all of them, even if I am full. Even if I know it is bad.

I need to be in an environment where there is no bad food anywhere.

I keep saying, oh, I will eat less calories tomorrow. I'll be good. I'll resist temptation. But then the next day, it is like shit. Damn it. Because the problem is, other people by junk food and I eat it because I am an idiot.

I just want to go back to uni where I can eat better.

A couple of weeks ago, at the foodbank, my brother discovered that there was a small group of people bitching about everyone. They got pissed. 

One of the girls sort of isolated herself for a bit and everyone was going on about, wow, she's such a b****. She's so two faced. She comes today and my sister is talking to her like they are best mates. Like of course, I didn't want them to argue, but exactly the same thing that they were getting annoyed at her for doing. I think it is better to actually address the problem - like say, why did you say those things - as opposed to both sides being so two faced and chatting shit behind others back but being best friends together. I'm sorry. I was so annoyed by how superficial it was. My sister's boyfriend - who was also commented about by the girl - just ignored her. I mean, it is getting no where with solving the problem, but at least he's not pretending to like her then saying stuff.