Brighton Trip

When we eventually reached Brighton, even though google assured me that it would be raining, the view was picturesque.

The clouds were thick, plump and fluffy. The sky behind was clouds was a dull grey color, but as the day progressed, the colour became a pale blue.

The sea, in my opinion, was magical. From afar, the water that washed up on the stones was a white colour, but around the middle, it became a faint minty green colour and a palish blue. However, upon standing on the beach, we saw that the white that I saw from a far was actually a murky brown colour. The waves were rather sharp and they pretty much roared whilst the wind whistled.


The day prior to the trip, I bought headphones. I was preparing myself to an isolated time. My aim was to in the coach and listen to my Doctor who audio book. Then when I got bored, I'd finish the third Harry Potter book and if the journey got rather tedious, I'd play some Sudoku. It did not go down like that. Mahamood came as well to the beach. He would not stop trying to get everyone to talk. Eventually, we all caved and a started to discuss how we voted in the EU referendum (or would have voted if they were bothered to register). I kept trying to sleathly slip my headphones into my ear, but Mahamood who did not have his, would not allow me to. Eventually, just to get some respite, I pretended to sleep.

(Though that did not stop us from bickering all day.)

 I am not ordinarily a fan of beaches. Let us get you incredibly high (metaphorically) in order to make it easier for us to pry away your cash from your fingers. They sold fish and chips for seven pounds. And you just have to have fish and chips (ships, if I were talking) when you go to the beach, so what is seven pounds? Oh and the doughnuts and ice cream. Yes, I am supposed to be on a diet... but it is only today! Here is more money. Don't get me started on the arcades where you deposit money into a machine that occasionally spits out coins or tokens (probably optimizing probability to ensure that you aren't ready to leave even though you've already lost a tenner.)  I still retain that view. Nonetheless, I found the experience enjoyable. I looked for pretty rocks on the beach and the girls (there were 4 others) were all really quite cool so we sat on the beach, talked and ate.

We returned to Harrow at 3:30pm and thanked Nick, the driver (a physics teacher who intended on retiring). He was the so nice and easy to engage in conversation with and it did not feel awkward calling him by his name,

Mahamood and I had got into a little argument before we entered the coach to return, so I ignored him for the rest of the journey. I even considered getting on the train (as we get the same bus home) just to avoid him, because he really annoyed me. However, we reconciled - by pretending that nothing had happened - and I followed him TSB.

I saw my mother's friend and I was like, crap, she cannot see us together because the minute I get home, my mum will probably be like, Linda, do you have a boyfriend (to which the answer has always been no) and then, she'd sit me down and give me the whole education before boys lecture. (All my mum's friend tell her if they have seen us with boys, unfortunately.) Become increasingly frustrated, because having friends who are boys (or the one friend, in my case) does not mean that I am involved with them. Upon trying to explain that to my mum, I usually hit a nerve and we end up not talking and angry at each other. I wanted to avoid all that, but still say hi, (because she was once my primary school teacher and she was nice). I told Mahamood, there is my mum's friend and so he waited for me further down the street.

Because I cannot sit around at home all day eating pizza, watching romcoms and writing fanfiction

I realized on Sunday that I was missing studying. 

It has been almost a week since I have stopped studying and 5 days since the exams. During the past month, I have been feeling overwhelmed by work and that I have had to do. I have been extremely eager at the prospect: relaxing, meeting friends and engaging in my hobbies. 

Now I am on the other side, let me tell you, the grass is no greener. I wanted to be free from education so much that I neglected that summer has it's pitfalls as well. Foremost, I am aimless. I don't have to go to sleep early and I have nothing to wake up for. (Though I do not say this in a suicidal way of course.) Just that, I have nothing that I am invested in really. 

Yes, I have had a lot of time to engage in hobbies. I read the first Harry Potter book in one day. Started on another book and decide half way that I did not like it. Now I am half way through the third Harry Potter book and this was from Saturday. I have not been out with any friends yet, but I shall make sure to call them up one by one after this week is over. Also, I shall be going to Brighton on Thursday so that counts as social contact. 

However, I think I need something that will take up most of my day, so I have decided to throw myself into volunteering and trying to find a job. 

How has the job search gone so far? Well, I got rejected by McDonald's twice and by Tesco four times. Though, I am not really downhearted because apparently McDonald's take people who don't have much ambition / that don't want to leave in a hurry so they do not have to continuously hire people. 

I went to Sufra to talk to Mohammed and we discussed what I can do to help out. The idea was that I help out in the food academy by keeping the children occupied and by talking to people - encouraging them to open up and talk about their situation which sounds pretty cool. I am in the process of thinking about it.  

Also, in the library, I fixed up my CV and the lady beside me started to help me apply for stuff and I was so happy because like she could have just left me to my own devices. 

Furthermore, I went an agency that helps people in the estate that I live in to find jobs and I have a meeting tomorrow at 3.00. 

I went Jimmy's with Lima today to celebrate no more exams and I met Lamis before the exam and we caught up and discussed life.

My exams are finally finally finally over.

Guess what?

I did something else other than study today!

I was volunteering sort of.

BHP made a video about Brent and as I am a member of the BHP youth newsletter group, I was asked if I can help out.

At the time, two weeks ago, I was disillusioned and actually said yes.

However, as time wore on, I found myself dreading helping out. I considered making some phony excuse to get out of it. For instance, I have an exam today. Oops, never realized. Silly me.

I heaved myself out of bed this morning and turned up anyhow.

This was in the civic centre and I was stood out at the front, with this lady, directing people where to go.

At first I was alone, and this girl Samara was supposed to come and help me but she was late and I was like f***.

We watched the video - which was rather good and well composed, considering that the filming all happened in two days and that Nadia - the lady in charge of the film and the youth newsletter - literally managed to get so many people to participate.

So yeah, I helped out for like three hours and talked to Samara a bit and they let me take photos with an expensive camera. ( I don't know what possessed them to let me do so.)

I survived today.

I was so happy.



I had two exams. Psychology and Chemistry.

The night before yesterday I did not get much sleep because I drank some tea which I dd not think would have caffiene in but it did.

I really could not sleep.


Yesterday night, I was so worried that I'd start my period because I knew that if I did, I certainly would not be getting much sleep at all.

Two bad nights in a row and  two exams to not make a good combination.

Fortunately, that did not happen and I was well rested and I did both the exams.


In my unit 1 psychology, I was really worries because I answered all the questions but did not read over my answers.

You're probably thinking, you're a drama queen. You answered all the questions, so that is a good sign right?

Well I need an A* so no, not reading over is a huge deal.



Today, however, I had plenty of time to read over my answers.

I am being ropped into helping Paula with revision tomorrow for three hours. (Three hours is all I would agree too). 

If she turns up late, I will go home. But I do not think she will, because she's desperate. 

I agreed 

Today

Today was a good day. 

Most days recently, all I have been doing is staying at home studying. Not exactly burning myself out, but nearly reaching myself out. 

I just want the exams to be over at the moment. 

I had a psychology exam on Wednesday and I ran after the exam because I did not wish to discuss it or classify it as good or bad, or I got an A* or I got a U. I didn't want to get all irrational with emotions. However, there are rumors going around that I did really badly in the exam because I did not want to talk to anyone. Just to leave people in college - everyone apart from Evelin - in suspense, I shall continue to run after exams and refuse to confirm anything. The thing that bothers me about the rumors is that perhaps some people will hear them and think, good she wasn't happy about the exam - she deserves once in a while to fail / do badly. I am not being paranoid here by saying this because some people have actually expressed this. Like once for a practical exam I did not do too well and one girl actually said, it is good that you fail too.

Okay, so today. 

I did some revision. Obviously.

Then I went out to meet Alex. We went to Morrisons to buy the library staff cakes to sort of say thank you for having us work there for the year. This is because Alex no longer will be working there and I finish in 3 weeks. 

I was so nervous. Like what do I say because Alex insisted that she would not be doing the talking. 

At the end, we improvised. I did the talking. It was really awkward. I was like, we got everyone a cake and they were happy and like, you didn't have to.

Then we left and I was going to go home but Alex and I talked for a couple of hours and she's so great really. We talked about life and random stuff. It is sad that I won't really be working with her anymore. 

My first exam didn't go too well.
It was weird really. It was supposed to be the easiest. I had started studying for this one as soon as summer started and I knew everything - well I thought I did. I even predicted what would come up and most of my predictions did indeed come up. What happened was that I couldn't finish the paper so I did not get the opportunity to read through my work. Also, one of the 12 marks threw me off. There were two injunctions - describe and compare. I did the describe just fine but the compare was all over the place. I don't think I did spectacularly bad. It is just that I was supposed to do spectacularly well as I need an A* and I thought I could manage that in psychology. I may just be over exaggerating. I mean, last year I came out of an exam crying and another, I though I'd failed, but overall I got and A, so I did not do as bad as I thought I did.

Psychology exam 1

Babies have holes in their hearts

Did you know that before they are born, babies have a hole in their hearts?

We carry oxygen and glucose in our blood and the heart pumps it around the body.

The left ventricle pumps blood to the systemic system (body) and the right to the pulmonary (lungs).

However, a fetus receives it's oxygen from it's mothers blood.

The placenta is a region where the mother and fetus's blood interact.

When the baby is born, the hole in the heart closes.

Yesterday was a great day

Yesterday was an amazing day.

Agata had a surprise for our birthdays. 

She was like, dress smart and that we'd be going to Piccadilly Circus. 

We arrived there early and walked around Central London. I felt as if I had stepped into a fairy tale. The buildings were all meticulously designed and there were statues and fountains and it was just so magical. 

I have only been central London a handful of times and each time, it amazes me because everything is new and wonderful. 

Though what isn't is all the people begging and sleeping on the streets. It is really unfortunate that in a city so bright and beautiful and wealthy (relatively) that people lie or sit there, drenched in rain and covered in dirt.

Anyway, what happened was that we walked around and we were outside National Art Gallery. There was this lady drawing a picture of a horse out of chalk on the ground and it was amazing. What is even more, is that she didn't have like a picture of a horse, so it was presumably from memory. 

It turned out the surprise was that we were going to watch the Phantom of the opera which I hadn't at all expected. It was a great surprise, because sometimes the things we do not ask for or consider are the best. The theater itself was so cool even though it was under construction. The ceiling was gold and there were patterns carved into it so that was really cool. 

What I found really amazing wasn't the play itself. Although the play was pretty awesome. (Though the plot was a little tricky to follow at times). That everyone knew what to do when and how was really cool. The orchestra was live and they could not actually see the play so they must have been coordinating their music to what the actor was saying. The stage varied a lot. There was a crashed chandelier at one stage. At one point, the stage was supposed to be a lake with a boat on it. At another instance, it had a room. They changed scenes so efficiently and quickly. The spot light followed the main character around and she was moving pretty fast at times and the lighting changed and there were so many special effects. And the planning, dedication, training and effort that must have went into all of that, is just astounding to think about. Also, the costumes were magnificent. They were so colorful and sparkly. The opera singers were singing to much and I could not help but think, wow, how don't you lose your voice?

So yeah, that was amazing. 

I also had somewhere else to be last night. Sufra - the food bank I sort of volunteer in - was having an annual dinner party. I had to attend whether I was late and even though all I wanted to do was go home and study. I sort of felt obligated to support it as I volunteer there. 

I was supposed to get there early, seeing as we finished at the theater rather early. However, being an absolute genius, I got off at Willesden Junction instead of Stonebridge park. I was completely unaware that there was a Wembley Stadium event so that the traffic would be hell.

Long story short, I made it there just on time, but I had to get off the bus in Harlesden and walk down to Stonebrigde. (Can't really complain about the exercise though.) 

As soon as I arrived, I located my sisters and friends. They were all busy helping serving good - they did not need my help. As a result, I went on a walk with Anthony and we talked about life and everything. He asked me if I actually really went on a date with Agata (as I told them that I did) and I told him that we are just best friends and that we're not really together (which he still does not believe.) Then we started talking about whether I actually like guys though because apparently I do not talk about being attracted / liking anyone of the opposite gender and I've only ever made a comment like 'That guy is good looking'  once. Then we went back inside for find everyone else. 

My brother was doing a bit of a speech because the owner of the food bank and him are friends I unfortunately missed it because as a volunteer I was needed to pack up the food and put them in containers. I was actually quite fun I was talking to Joy's friend (let's call her Z) whose incredibly shy. The first time when I asked her about herself, she politely told me that she'd rather not tell me about herself. Then I was like, oh, do you feel a bit shy I'll tell you about myself and I talked for 15 minutes. Then eventually, she told me a bit about herself. She likes singing and drawing and she considers Joy as her sister and the first time she talked to her, she couldn't even look her in the eyes because she was so shy. She is literally the cutest.

I had been planning to do at least 2 hours of revision when I got home. However, it was 10:45 when we returned and I was absolutely shattered. However, it was a great day. It is not often at all that I willingly spend like 10 hours not studying without feeling guilty and without being s sleep so that was a great experience. 

Hello everyone

Today was a good day.

To begin, I was exasperated.

I made plans with a friend to revise in college library and I thought, crap, all I want to do is hide at home and study.

But I went and it was great and I had a really nice time. :)

I also talked to Lima whose really great.

So yeah, it was a good day.

I am feeling a little bit stressed though.

Exams are on my doorstep.