What happens after Psychology, is that if I do not pack my things into my bad quick enough, I end up the last person in the class.

We Evelin and I sometimes. When she is there as well, Mike does not start a conversation.

However, there are the days where she has to get to work and so it is just Mike and I, which was today.

Which lead to like a 5 minute conversation.

I was lucky it was 5 minutes.

I did a psychology mock.

It was an easy paper.

When Mike handed it back, he told me that he found it difficult to deduct marks.

I got 98 percent.

:)

I talked a bit to Lima today.

We were sat in the canteen after college just discussing life which was cool.

Zeinab

I have been talking a lot Zeinab recently.

She's great.

I find that despite sometimes there being distance,

when we talk, I can tell her pretty much anything.

The priest came to my mum and told her that she was cruel to leave her children by themselves.

I understand why she would say that. The looks that people gave me when my mum was gone said just as much.

Like how can she leave a 17 yr old with her disabled dad to cook, clean, look after children and do shopping?

I have to admit, that during her holiday, some days I thought, hmmm, does my mum even care that a lot of pressure is being put on me? Is it fair on me to have to be a mum for 5 children? To cook and clean and look after my siblings just because I am the oldest?

I do not think it was cruel for my mum to leave us. Yes, a lot of the burden fell on me.

And I do think that it was selfish of her to leave without actually considering how it would effect our education.

update

Here's is an update.

Periods suck.

On Thursday, I felt so ill and nauseated that I thought I might actually faint.

Yesterday I could not sleep. My legs hurt that much.

I was doing to go on a walk today I feel sort of meh.

During the night when I could not sleep, I calculated my cycle.

I am likely to be on my period on the 14th June.

The day I have my Psychology unit 4 exam and my Chemistry unit 4 exam.

So I may ask my GP if I can have a contraceptive pill.


Had to follow my mum for an appointment today.

My parents expected me to give them directions.

Needless to say that was a flop.

My mum ended up telling this random guy to get into the car and give them directions.

Luckily he was heading that way.

His name was Lee - my mum asked.

He was Jamaican - my mum guessed.

It turns out that my directions were alright.

My dad the wrong direction at Henly corner.

It we went the right way it would have only took 6 minutes.



I was in a snappy mood yesterday.

I went to the canteen and I did not want to talk.

I sat on a small table so that no one could join me.

I put on headphones.

Then Hamed came and joined me.

I really was so not bothered that I actually told him I am sat here so that I can be by myself. I do not really want to talk. I just want to listen to music and do some psychology work.

Imagine, he kept talking.

He would not shut up.



In Psychology, Mike said that I did not have to do the work that the class did.

I was so happy. Then he gave me a different work sheet and said he had me in mind when he printed them out.

He it would help because it is extra stuff but I already knew it but did not have the heart to tell him so because he kept asking me if the sheet was useful.

After that he ran out of work sheets and so I was finally permitted to actually go on with my own revision.

I did not bother asking him if I can stay at home.

That would offend him. He thinks he is helping me get my grade so anything I saw will sound like I am rejecting help.

It is a mean thing to say, but sometimes I am not too keen on catching up with Zeinab. 

Because it feels like when we talk, there is so much space between the last time we talked. 

I saw her Wednesday which was great. 

We got ice cream and walked around IKEA and talked. :) 

It is quite cool because when we do talk, like it does not feel as if I have not spoke to her in ages. 

I walked home in the rain.

My coat was still wet.

I have started to like the rain.

As long as there are no storms.

I feel like I have not posted anything in a long time.

I went Mc Doanlds with Evelin yesterday and we talked. It was fun.

Psychology was alright. I would rather be studying at home because I can get so much more down.

I do not want to ask Mike if I can stop attending because I may offend him.

After complaining about his lessons to him, I feel like anything I say will mean to him 'you're lessons still are not good.'

Which isn't true. I am just an independent learner.

I know Sushmita will let me stop attending.

I am good really. I really am. I have everything I could possibly need and want.

My mum return safely back from Nigeria.

Supermarket collection

What the supermarket collection is is when you go to a supermarket and ask people entering it to buy one item from a list containing food and toiletries. Then they are asked to donate what they have bought by putting it into a trolley. 

Sufra - the food bank I sporadically volunteer at - held one this weekend. Aneesa - who used to work there and used to go to my high school - was helping out and she roped me into helping out. I roped Joy into helping out. 

It was actually rather fun. 

It was like, there is no space to be shy or quiet. We had to be confident, polite and proactive. Letting someone walk past without even approaching them, was not an option. 

I got the least rejections. 

I was thinking about it afterwards.

Maybe Aneesa was rejected because she was Muslim (and Islamaphobia is wide spread) and Karlem perhaps because he was black and wearing a hoodie. Some people may have judged based on appearance and thought, well I will not donate food to a charity represented by these people. Joy was rather quiet and stood to the side, complaining that I was talking to everyone, yet not making effort to engage with people. 

I love the way that doing psychology makes me think. 

I was thinking, we should conduct a covert observation. 

Counting how many people walk past and the percentage of whom take a leaflet and of that the percentage who actually donate food. 

Of that, the ethnicity and gender and age range. 

However, that would not be conclusive. It may seem to show that an over represnetation of one demographic group donating. 

However, to further sort of research who will donate food and who will not, we should do variations. 

For instance, somewhere less diverse than Hendon.

One where the volunteers are all male or all female. All Muslim or Christian or other religious groups. 

Then I thought, hmmm. but even if we carried out all that research, there is the issue that human behaviour is complex.

A person may not donate food, not as a result of racial bias, but due to financial situation or experience and we could not control for all the different factors. 

Person A may have been duped by a charity whereas person B has not been. They could both hold the same racial stereotypes. 

I was thinking about the ethics and the practicalities of carrying out research like this.

I actually really want to do a Psychology degree.

I thought perhaps I picked it for the wrong reasons. 

I do not think I have, at the moment, that is. 

I do not want to go back to college. 

People will just be so stressed and not happy.

I bet you so many people will come back and say they had a shit Easter holiday

because of their lack of work. 

Then I'm just there with my organised, laid back Easter. 

Some people will just be like, shut up and go away. You're not human. 

Some people will feel bad about themselves upon hearing about my productive Easter. 

They'll be like, I did not do much work and she did. I was not organised and she was. I am stupid and she is not. Even thought people should not compare their situations to other peoples because arguably,  no two people live identical lives and experience the same things and different experiences alter people. 

If I tried to down play it and say I did not do much work, 

people are like 'Don't lie' and look at me accusatory. Then they tell me how they are going to fail and how I will get A's and A's. 

(This happens after every half term by the way.)

I do not really want to watch people make themselves feel bad or inadequate. 

If that is what is going to happen, I'd rather just stay at home or not talk to people. 

Football

I played football for the first time in ages yesterday.

I was goal keeper.

Considering I had not played for like 7 years, I was not crap.

Pukka Tea

Pukka Tea :) <3 br="" nbsp="">Joy and I bought tea last week and after trying all the flavours we bought, we came to the conclusion that they are all awesome.  

Mornings

I love mornings.

I love waking up early.

I love waking up early and going to college.

I like the feeling when I am walking and I can feel oxygen in my lungs.

I like moving if that kind of make sense.

I like when it is a bright morning and seeing random joggers and dog walkers.

I like waking up and drinking tea.

I like doing work early in the morning.

I love reading the Metro early in the morning and doing the Sudoku.

I hate packed buses early in the morning.

Not just early, but like all the time.

Mornings are great. They're so filled with potential.

So far this morning, I have made breakfast, drunk tea.

Wrote an article for the youth newsletter I participate in.

Posted a new chapter to the fan fiction I am writing.

I am doing a chemistry past paper now.

I have to take my sister to a sort of school meeting later today.

Easter Break so far in a couple of words

 

Coping well. 

Happy. 

Laid back. 

On track. 

It is weird. 

Camden :)

I went Camden on Thursday with Agata.

The weather was amazing. The sun was shining. It decided that it no longer had a grudge on the people below and that it would be amiable. It is rather funny that I am personifying the sun, yet still referring to the sun as 'it.' What am I supposed to do? I mean, how do I decide if the sun is a he or a her?

It was great. We literally went to walk around and see the view. The view was so saturated with so much creativity and colour. In one shop, there were dream catchers of different colours serenely hanging from the ceiling. In another shop, there were paintings. The one that particularly caught my eye was a forest with white trees and the rest was just green. Agata and I walked through the market in Camden, with no intention to buy anything, just marveling at how awesome the place was.

We then ended up in Camden Town and walked from there to Euston.

92 Bus Driver Post

I saw my bus driver today.

Like I think it was in year 11.

I kept getting on the bus at the exact same time every morning.

And he always used to be the driver.

And we said hello each mornings.

The perhaps his rota changed or my routine did.

I do not get on  the 92 that he drives every morning.


I was outside Ruislip Road East on my way home. ]

Well, not exactly.

I was sort of taking my time.

He was stuck in traffic.

He saw me, gave me a look like what are you doing here?

And then he waved.

Then I waved back. :)

I started to laugh after the bus went.

Like my bus driver actually waved back at me.

I went out by myself today

I went to Northala fields today by myself.

I felt so at peace. 

I lost track of time. 

I did not feel the urge to pick up my phone

to call or email or take pictures.

I just walked.

I have never felt so calm before.

Like eventually, I was just breathing consciously

and I just thinking at the present.

Not where I was going, where I had come from.

Just where I was then.

It really was such an amazing feeling.

I went to Evelyn's house today.

I had a really nice time.

We talked.

We studied.

We talked some more.

We watched crash courses on Youtube.

We talked.

Then we went our separate ways.

Oh, and never get off at King's Cross St Pancras or Baker Street to exchange trains if you have that options.

This is from hindsight.

Science and pseudoscience

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X8Xfl0JdTQ

I watched this crash course twice today.

It is pretty interesting.