Attention seeker

I was thinking about today, my lack of communication with my older brother.

When I was younger, I kept myself to myself really.

I felt so lonely, yet I was 1 of 6.

I looked at text books, wrote myself knew realities; studied, drew, ate way to much and isolated myself.

It is weird. I had talked to my siblings - I had to have done when I was a child.

Then year 7 came.

I was thinking about it.

Perhaps all I wanted was attention.

Then, I was so unhappy.

Bullying really attacked my self esteem.

I cried.

I hated things.

My parents never noticed.

They had a new baby who needed attention.

They had an oldest child who was most important due to being first.

They had a troublesome son who got into fights.

They had a daughter who was not a screw up.

She was not fat like me. She had not had speech difficulties.

She could learn things quicker and she was prettier.

They had a perfect daughter already - who needed me?

Perhaps I just isolated myself because I did not get the attention I needed?

I mean, no one ever noticed that I was so upset and that I wanted to die.

No one ever noticed that I was struggling.

They believed my smile.

Most of the attention I got were from my friends.

Maybe the way I act is all for attention.

I mean, that would not be too far fetched.

I talk and laugh loudly.

In the beginning of every Chemistry lesson, I go round and hug every one.

I show my siblings every new drawing and ask them if it looks okay even though I think, this is fantastic.

I talk to pretty much everyone in all my lessons.

I think sometimes that I deliberately try not to blend in.

Maybe, I am just a little girl inside, who wants attention?