I have got an offer from Warwick already. Like that feels so good. No interview stress. Just get AAB and you are in. :)
One down, four to go.
I walked home today with Madhvi and Zeinab and it was quite cool actually. Though I think I am having a bad effect on Madhvi at the moment. Like I am just constantly badgering at her about college work. I think she feels like whenever she sees me it is all about discussing work :( I am trying to sort of motivate her - to try and convince her that she will not get into a bad uni if she tries but whenever I talk to people these days about how they should not worry too much about uni, I feel like they look at me like, you have got all your crap sorted. You have good AS and GCSE's and you are smart and will get into any uni you want. I especially hate when people say this, but they are like, you are going to get into Oxford and then some people berate themselves like, I am an idiot. I dislike how people are sort of like implying that I am better or smarter or intelligent than them. Because I am not. I am good academically. I study and revise every day. I like the struggle and challenge. Other people may not. We all have different abilities and qualities. Madhvi is pretty funny. Agata is creative as hell and Zeinab is good when it comes to arguing. Amelia is the sort of person who will get along with anyone and Evelin is so preserve. All of these qualities that matter. Like that will carry these people through life, making them stand out compared to others. But I fear that these qualities go emphasized and unnoticed.
Comparison is indeed the thief of joy.
People need a lot more self confidence and self esteem - yes, we are in the face of uncertainty, but it is not impossible to retain a positive view about oneself.
I was worrying about myself recently. Last week I pulled an all nighter and it did not even have an affect on me. I have been getting 7 hours of sleep and it has not really had an affect. Yes, all you sleep deprived, functioning on three hours a night people out there are probably thinking STFU! But my sort of point is, my sleeping pattern has sort of changed and I am getting less sleep than I am used to. Shouldn't I feel affected? I am mostly sort of thinking, because everyone else in the world - it seems - is so sober and upset and down. Like the depression rates must really spike for people applying for Uni. One of my friends cried in front of a teacher. Too many are calling themselves pieces of s*** and thinking they will not get into a good uni. People are just walking around, half zombies. Most other people are crumbling and that, I guess, is an understandable response. But then there is me. Like I have been happy recently - too happy for me not to doubt that there is something bubbling up in me waiting to explode. In Chemistry the other lesson, all you could hear was me. Literally laughing at everything. I am not even exaggerating. I was just laughing. And talking. I literally talked to every single person in that class. I was so loud and hyper. I literally went round and hugged everyone twice. I find that a bit worrying. I am being myself, yes, but I mean, like it was literally like I was on something, only I wasn't.
I think perhaps I am feeling stressed but I am thinking, shut up and be optimistic. But then, I do not actually feel stressed at all. I have an Oxford admissions test and I am thinking, I have like 3 weeks and that is a lot of time and I am capable. When normally, like with exams, 6 weeks before it, I would be so panicky, like OMG I am going to fail.
I thought perhaps I might be secretly upset and overcompensating by expressing extreme happiness, like I used to do. However, it does not feel like that much. I mean, I am genuinely, I think in a good place in life. I feel like I have let go all the negative of the past. As if I have moved on. I feel empowered. Like I can tackle anything in my path. How can I be feeling upset among that? Like I actually feel confident. I actually feel found - not lost in the wilderness somewhere.
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