Sunday, 20 September 2015
Autumn warmth
Yesterday the weather was beautiful so I thought that I should not waste it.
So I went to Northala field and when I got to the top of the hill, I sat down and read.
I read all day yesterday outside.
It was a good day.
Really peaceful.
Thursday, 17 September 2015
Wednesday, 16 September 2015
I totally get that feeling of wanting to be alone then feeling lonely when you are alone.
That was today actually.
So at break I called my mum to say hello.
And she said she was happy I did not forget her.
And I almost started crying.
And for the whole day, I was thinking, I want to go home and hug my mum.
That was today actually.
So at break I called my mum to say hello.
And she said she was happy I did not forget her.
And I almost started crying.
And for the whole day, I was thinking, I want to go home and hug my mum.
Empowered
Okay guys.
Today, I was feeling a bit stressed. Like OMG, I am already falling behind of studying and I felt like crap all day. Then I though, screw, it, I will not apply to Oxbrigde. Too much hassle. Then I thought, do I even know what I want to do? Do I even want to go Uni? Then, I thought about it. It is my decision. I will make it wrong sometimes, just like there will always be casualties and just like I will always make mistakes.
Today, I was feeling a bit stressed. Like OMG, I am already falling behind of studying and I felt like crap all day. Then I though, screw, it, I will not apply to Oxbrigde. Too much hassle. Then I thought, do I even know what I want to do? Do I even want to go Uni? Then, I thought about it. It is my decision. I will make it wrong sometimes, just like there will always be casualties and just like I will always make mistakes.
Thursday, 10 September 2015
Drifters
People just disappear of the face of the earth.
I miss so many people, it's ridiculous.
I heard this quote on Merlin.
"What will I do without you?"
"You will remember me."
It is funny. There are more people I remember
than people who are physically present in my life anymore.
Do we just live to remember ghosts?
So many people
I am officially back in College.
I was talking to Agata and she was like, she feels as if she has not had lost of time to herself because even on holiday, she was always with Pawel.
I am totally getting that feeling.
In the holiday, I was like, I must not isolate myself. I must not spend all my time studying. I must go places that I want to. So I did.
However, now, back in College, I am feeling, crap, all I want to do is be by myself. I love being around my friends and talking to them. I meet up with Lamis to walk with her to Wembley and with Agata and Amelia and sometimes Zeinab in the mornings. However, sometimes, I feel like, I just sort of need to be alone.
At breaks, since returning, I have sort of left my friends to wonder around College, but it is not an easy task, when everyone knows you. Some people such as Zeinab's friends feel the need to include me and when I tried to leave, the were sort of like, why are you going?
Home time is the worst. The day has left me worn out and I have to get on the 182, which is incredibly demoralizing. Yesterday I went home with Agata and Amelia and then we got off. I saw my friend's brother and said hello, but he started a conversation with me and sat next to me on the bus. I decided, no, I am not having this! So I got off the bus. I got on another and spotted someone I knew on top deck before entering, so I was about to pretend to call someone, then I saw Idil on the bottom deck.
Today, I got on the 182 with Zeinab. Then out of nowhere, June and Madvhi come on the bus. Then this girl Naomi, Zeinab and June knows from NCS come on.
I was talking to Agata and she was like, she feels as if she has not had lost of time to herself because even on holiday, she was always with Pawel.
I am totally getting that feeling.
In the holiday, I was like, I must not isolate myself. I must not spend all my time studying. I must go places that I want to. So I did.
However, now, back in College, I am feeling, crap, all I want to do is be by myself. I love being around my friends and talking to them. I meet up with Lamis to walk with her to Wembley and with Agata and Amelia and sometimes Zeinab in the mornings. However, sometimes, I feel like, I just sort of need to be alone.
At breaks, since returning, I have sort of left my friends to wonder around College, but it is not an easy task, when everyone knows you. Some people such as Zeinab's friends feel the need to include me and when I tried to leave, the were sort of like, why are you going?
Home time is the worst. The day has left me worn out and I have to get on the 182, which is incredibly demoralizing. Yesterday I went home with Agata and Amelia and then we got off. I saw my friend's brother and said hello, but he started a conversation with me and sat next to me on the bus. I decided, no, I am not having this! So I got off the bus. I got on another and spotted someone I knew on top deck before entering, so I was about to pretend to call someone, then I saw Idil on the bottom deck.
Today, I got on the 182 with Zeinab. Then out of nowhere, June and Madvhi come on the bus. Then this girl Naomi, Zeinab and June knows from NCS come on.
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