WATER CULT

TODAY I WENT HYDE PARK WITH BOB. I HAVE A MENTAL BUCKET LIST OF THINGS I WANT TO DO THIS SUMMER (TO STOP MYSELF FROM STRESSING OUT TOO MUCH ABOUT UCAS AND STUDYING).

WE MET UP AT 12:00 AND GOT ON THE TRAIN. IT WAS QUITE PACKED. THERE WAS THIS LITTLE GIRL AND PRESUMABLY HER DAD AND SHE WAS LIKE TO HIM 'WHOSE A GOOD PARENT?' I WAS JUST SAT THERE LAUGHING. WE ATE CHERRIES ON THE TRAIN. YESTERDAY AGATA SAW SOMETHING SHE THOUGHY WAS CHERRIES ON A TREE AND DECIDED TO TRY ONE. THE DIGUST ON HER FACE WAS SO FUNNY! I DECIDING THAT I DID NOT WANT AGATA TO GET POISONED BOUGHT REAL CHERRIES.

WE GOT TO HYDE PARK THROUGH MARBLE ARCH AND HAD A LONG WALK. AGATA COULD NOT BRING HERSELF TO SAY THAT I WAS RIGHT WHEN IT  CAME TO THE DIRECTIONS. WE REACHED THE PRINCESS DIANA MEMORIAL FOUNTAIN AND BEGAN TO WALK AROUND IT AND GET WET. IT WAS RIDICULOUSLY COLD AT FIRST - LIKE WE WERE STEPPING IN ICE. HOWEVER WE SOON GOT USED TO IT.

WE DECIDED THAT WE WOULD GO TO THE DEEP END SOME HOW AND ONCE THERE, WE SAT DOWN. SOON ENOUGH, WE WERE SOON ATTRACTING A LOT OF ATTENTION. THIS GIRL CAME A LONG - SOPHIA - I THINK HER MOTHER CALLED HER, AND SHE BEGUN TO WET US AND SPLASH. SHE BECAME MY SWIMMING INSTRUCTOR FOR THE DAY. I WAS REALLY SORT OF LIKE NOT JEALOUS BUT IN AWE THAT A 7 YEAR OLD COULD SWIM AND THAT I COULD NOT. SOON ENOUGH, THIS OTHER GIRL CAME, I FORGET HER NAME, BUT AGATA CALLED HER HER SOUL MATE. THIS 3 YEAR OLD BOY CAME AS WELL; AN AMERICAN SOUNDING GIRL AND A GIRL CALLED ISABEL. TOGETHER, WE DECIDED WHICH PASSERS BY WE WOULD WET AND WHICH WE WOULD ALLOW. THE AMERICAN GIRL MADE US RECITE RULES, SUCH ' WE ONLY WET PEOPLE WITH BATHING SUITS,' AND ' WE DO NOT WET PARENTS WITH THEIR CHILDREN,'

IT WAS THE MOST FUN I HAVE HAD IN AGES! I COULD NOT HELP BUT THINK THAT CHILDREN ARE SO BEAUTIFULLY INNOCENT. ONLY A CHILD WOULD RANDOMLY START TALKING TO TWO TEENAGE GIRLS AND PLAY WITH THEM. TEENAGERS WILL BE TOO CAUGHT UP ABOUT WHAT IS COOL AND WHAT IS NOT AND ADULTS WILL SCOFF AND BE LIKE 'TEENAGERS THESE DAYS!'

HOWEVER, ONE OF THE KIDS LET AGATA HUG HER WHEN SHE WAS COLD AND SOPHIA HUGGED ME AND TRIED TO REFUSE LETTING GO OF ME. SHE EVEN SAID SHE WISH I WAS HER OLDER SISTER. ISABEL TOLD AGATA SHE WISHED SHE WAS HER SISTER AND ALSO TOLD HER THAT HER DAD WORKED IN IRELAND AND SHE HARDLY SAW HIM. IT WAS SAD BECAUSE SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE WITH HER MOTHER BUT HER NANNY. :(

IT WAS A GOOD DAY

I AM GOING TO WRITE WITH CAPITALS. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, THEN GO AWAY.

I WAS GOING TO WAKE UP AT 10:00AM THEN DO A BIT OF READING AND LIKE 12:00 AM FORCE MYSELF TO A GP IN KINGSBURY TO GET GP WORK EXPERIENCE. HOWEVER, THINGS WORK OUT  DIFFERENTLY AND I AM GLAD FOR THAT!

JOY ASKED WHAT I WAS DOING AND I SAID SLEEPING AND SHE WAS LIKE I CAN WALK HER TO SCHOOL IF I LIKE AND I WAS LIKE NO. THEN AT 7:30AM I THOUGHT, MAY AS WELL. I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THE GP ANYWAY. SO I WALKED WITH HER AND WE REACHED ARK ELVIN AT 9:00AM AND TALKED FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES BEFORE SHE WENT IT. THAT WAS COOL. WE WERE JUST TALKING. I LIKE WHEN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THINGS.


I WALKED SLOWLY UP THE HIGH ROAD CONFUSED AND TRYING TO THINK WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH LIFE. I WAS WALKING WHEN I LOOKED BACK AND SAW MRS APPAH AND I SAID HELLO.

WE TALKED AND SHE ASKED ME WHAT I WAS DOING  AND I SAID, I DO NOT EVEN KNOW, SO SHE WAS LIKE, FOLLOW ME. WE WENT TO WILKO WHERE SHE DID SOME SHOPPING. SHE ONLY WENT IN FOR FACE WIPES AND A WATER BOTTLE SHE TOLD ME REPEATEDLY. IT WAS A STRUGGLE. SHE FOUND SOME FACE WIPES AND CONCLUDED THAT SHE COULD NOT BUY IT BECAUSE IT WAS FRAGRANCED. SO WE WENT ON LOOKING FOR MORE WIPES BUT ALL WE FOUND WERE BABY WIPES AND TOILET WIPES SO SHE SETTLED WITH NON FRAGRANCED BABY WIPES. THEN SHE STARTED TO WALK ROUND, ASKING THE OCCASIONAL QUESTION AND TALKING AND ASKING ABOUT PRODUCTS. SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HER SON, JIMMY. I ASKED WHERE HE WENT AND SHE WAS LIKE SAME PLACE AS YOU. SHE WENT TO THE FOOD AISLE AND GOT TO PACKETS OF OREOS. THINKING THAT IT WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH, SHE CONTEMPLATED ON BUYING CRACKERS AND ASKED ME TO HELP HER LOOK FOR IT AND BRAINSTORM IDEAS ON WHAT SHE SHOULD GET. THEN WE REACHED THE CHECK OUT AND SHE WENT TO WITHDRAW MONEY FROM THE MACHINE AND SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW SLOW IT WAS AND ASKED WHY IT WAS TELLING HER THANK YOU FOR USING THE MACHINE, BECAUSE SHE DID NOT USE IT FOR USING SAKE BUT TO GET MONEY OUT. THEN SHE REMEMBER THAT SHE NEEDED SOMETHING ELSE AND WE WENT TO WASHING UP LIQUID AISLE AND SHE CLAIMED TO ONLY NEEDING A SMALL BOTTLE OF SOAP BUT FOUND A LARGER BUT MORE COST EFFICIENT BOTTLE AND TOOK THAT INSTEAD.

I CARRIED THE BAG BACK FOR HER TO ARK AND SHE WAS LIKE, I CAN TRY TO GET YOU IN AND YOU CAN HELP ME WITH MARKING AND SHE SPOKE TO THE RECEPTIONIST WHO BUZZED ME IN AND LET ME IN. THEN THE RECEPTIONIST WAS LIKE, WHY DID YOU THINK I WOULD NOT LET YOU IN? THE PERKS OF BEING MYSELF IS THAT I CAN WALK INTO ARK ELVIN AND GO IN DESPITE THE HEAD TEACHER NOT WANTING ANY COPLANDERS BACK THERE. :)

I WENT TO MRS APPAH'S CLASS AND DID SOME MARKING. SOME OF THE RESPONSES WERE RIDICULOUS!

HER YEAR 7 CLASS CAME IN AND THEY ALL GAWPED AT ME LIKE A DISPLAY IN THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM. ACTUALLY, NO. IN A MUSEUM, THESE STUDENTS SEEMED THE TYPE WHO WOULD BE MORE INTERESTED IN WHETHER FREE WIFI WAS AVAILABLE OR NOT; NOT MUSEUMS. THEY TRIED TO ASK ME QUESTIONS. ONE BOY WAS STARING AT ME FASCINATED. FASCINATED - MIKE TOLD US NEVER TO USE IT ON OUR PERSONAL STATEMENT OR ELSE THE PERSON WILL HAVE A RESPONSE LIKE, 'FASCINATED, WERE YOU?' SAID IN A DULL MANNER.

THEN, WHEN 10:45 HIT, I ASKED MRS APPAH IF I COULD GO SEE MISS SAEED. I WAS THINKING, NOW I AM IN THERE, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE NOT TO GO SEE HER. I MEAN, I ONLY AGREED TO DO MARKING BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE A CHANCE TO LIKE GO SEE MRS SAEED. I DON'T KNOW. I  JUST REALLY WANTED TO SEE HER. SHE IS SO AWESOME I WAS CONSIDERING STAYING IN COPLAND JUST SIO THAT I COULD STILL LIKE BE AROUND HER - YES, SAD, I KNOW... BUT YEAH.
MRS APPAH, THANKFULLY, SAID SHE WOULD TAKE ME TO HER.

WE WENT PAST THE ENGLISH CLASSES LOOKING FOR MRS SAEED AND WE FOUND HER CLASS BUT SHE WAS NOT IN IT SO I WAS A BIT CRESTFALLEN, HOWEVER, I LOOKED AHEAD AND THERE SHE WAS. I WENT UP TO HER AND SHE NEVER NOTICED AND SHE WAS TALKING - ACTUALLY, TELLING A KID OFF - SO I THOUGHT, I WILL SCARE HER WHEN SHE LOOKS AT ME, BUT THEN SHE REALIZED I WAS THERE BEFORE I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TOO.

WE WALKED AROUND LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO SIT AND ARRIVED AT THE LIBRARY. IT LOOKED SORT OF EMPTY FOR ALL THE BOOK SHELVES WERE MOVED.

SHE WAS LIKE THE REASON SHE DID NOT REPLY TO MY EMAILS YET WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS WAITING FOR THE END OF TERM AND THAT SHE WANTED TO TALK TO ME, LIKE IN AN OPEN PLACE LIKE OVER COFFEE OR SOMETHING AND SHE TOOK MY NUMBER AND GAVE ME HERS AND WAS LIKE WE SHOULD MEET UP LIKE IN TWO OR THREE WEEKS TIME AND SHE SAID WE SHOULD GET LAMBS INVOLVED AS WELL.

WE TALKED ABOUT RANDOM STUFF. I MISS THAT. IT IS WEIRD. LIKE TEACHERS IN COLLEGE ARE APPROACHABLE, BUT NOT ON LIKE A 'I REALLY CARE' LEVEL. LIKE THEY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU AIM TO WRITE ON UCAS AND CAREER AND UNI PLAN OR SOMETHING. THEY WANT TO KNOW VAGUELY ABOUT YOUR INTERESTS - IF THEY ARE MIKE MALONE - AND ABOUT NONE OF THE ABOVE, IF YOU ARE SEN. HOWEVER, WITH A LOT OF THE HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS, THEY WOULD ASK YOU ABOUT OTHER STUFF AS WELL AND THERE WAS MISS SAEED WHO I COULD JUST TALK TO ABOUT RANDOM STUFF. LIKE IN COLLEGE, THEY HAVE AN OPEN DOOR POLICY, SO WHEN A TEACHER IS IN THE CLASS, YOU CAN COME IN. HOWEVER, YOU DO NOT REALLY FEEL WELCOMED. BUT WITH MISS, EVEN IF THERE WAS NOT AN OPEN DOOR POLICY, HER DOOR WOULD BE OPEN AND PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE WELCOMED. THAT IS WHY PEOPLE LOVE HER AND WHY THEY ARE ALWAYS IN HER CLASS. :)

Horsenden Hill

We went Horsenden Hill after church yesterday.

On Saturday, after Agata left, I met up with Xiao. I am helping her with her English. She and my sister got on really well. She bought Busayo a drink and they talked about stuff. I had went away for a couple of minutes and she was telling me my sister said she was scared and nervous about starting year 3 next year.

I feel bad for people without siblings or present ones. It must get really lonely just being in a house all my yourself with very little interactions. My siblings may be mean sometimes and little hell raisers but  without them, things would be so boring!

Busayo ended up suggesting that we should play hide and seek and I agreed reluctantly. I agreed to count first round because me hiding is sitting blatantly in a chair and hoping that it is obvious where I am. Busayo, however, as we realized, is a master hider. Xiao was worried that we would loose her.


I want to help Xiao. We had an idea that we should have like a group of people all just talking about stuff to encourage her talking English. However, plans have not taken off.

Busayo asked me if she could go park after and I said no and I promised, 'Tomorrow.'


I was true to my promise and despite the bleak weather, we went park anyway.


Actually, I got angry in church! Valerie the priest tried to hint that people were stealing money out of the collection plate and that 'a few of the pounds were just going missing.' How would they go missing? Walking of the plates? Or something weird happening? Obviously, everyone was clear that she was subtly trying to suggest that someone was stealing stuff. I got angry especially as I am the one as well as Joy who does the collection plate AND I SURE AS HELL WILL NOT STEAL FROM A CHURCH!

After church we went Horsenden Hill. Tobi stayed in the car. Her legs hurt. They always do these days. She is not only lazy but stupid. She was told she had a vitamin D deficiency and she doesn't take the medication. So bone pains being a side effect of the deficiency, obviously a person would want to do something about that?

Eni went back home through the car. He kept saying that if we did not move - as we obstructed the front of the car - that he would run us over with his car. I was like, you cannot even afford to rent a barclay's bike, so how do you expect to run us over?


We walked to Horsenden Hill by foot and went to the park then pirate ship. Soon, despite not intending to, we found ourselves on the hill. Not walking up. That is the funny bit. Yomi kept saying we should walk straight and we found ourselves, not actually walking up but around. Soon we were in Greenford and had to make our way from there.

We got on the 92 and there were these loud black girls on the bus and we avoided looking at them bu we could hear their conversation and it was stupid.

How I feel

I used to think fondly of the past
but fondness never did last
soon enough I see properly
and there is an idiot who acts impulsively

and who cannot control the pace
in which her words fall

I am terrified and confused about what is to come

on the other side are adults
jobs, children, menopause
UCAS and Uni stress gone
still though plenty of decisions

and my mind has never been made
I am the girl whose opinions can always
be changed 

infatuation has never been so adamant
I see you in my dreams and destiny

I know it's horrendously cheesy
but you belong with me 

coffee stains my morning breath
come afternoon, I'm horribly tired
from what? Nothing. Nothing much
 no exams, structure or school

no early morning rush

I am just restless and purposeless 

once a month without fail
pain shoots through my legs
the sight and stench of my own blood
as always makes queasy
the questions they will ask
will definitely embarrass me
I'd rather no examination - I'll only feel uneasy

anger explosive like fire
whenever you put me down 

a child takes her mum for granted
but the mum can do the same
so why am I supposed to be ashamed
that I talked back when the problem arose
because you would not listen in the first place

it's infuriating being told off for
essentially copying what you do
you tell me to act as you say
and not as you do
when you ever say but shout

I am happy with you
there's a pang of jealousy
when you're without me
life runs so much more smoothly

amazed at how supportive others can be
and how much beauty
light and opportunity
lies in the darkness 

it's quite tedious, this game
constantly I am lost
only to be found again 

I try figure out where I belong
but it is not long
till I am somewhere else 

but you said I would not by myself 

where ever life pulled me
but quite frankly
it hurts that your presence
in my life could be so silent

you now, more and more these days
I look at myself and say,
you know what, I actually like me
see how I have developed gradually
to a strong, empowered young lady
one whom still cannot accept what she sees
in the mirror, but I'm developing day by day
eventually, I will find my way
at entire whole self acceptance

I am hopeful that all my attempts to have a break
from stress prove fruitful
and that I take these opportunities
and use them to the full

every word and action
in my heart leaves a trace
I will forever be inspired by many

Weeks of things

A week of things 

Okay, so I have been really busy this week. I feel tired and washed out mentally. I feel a bit lousy, like, ugh, I only had to stick to a deadline. I had so much free time and I could have been doing all the things that I needed to in between. On the other hand, I am telling that voice to shut up, because it is hard getting up every day and going places, then coming home and having stuff to do. It is hard to find time to have order and organisation when time as well is needed to relax. 

I have been to three university open days this week and to the Royal Institution for a Maths lecture. I have been out and about doing shopping and trying to find work experience. Then when I have come home, my feet have been aching. I want to go out and go on jogs and be health. I heard that sitting down for more than three hours elevates the risk of heart disease and I am worried even though ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING elevates any risk of ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I hear stuff all the time, like Cancer is caused by this or do this and you risk cancer and I am just like, but what doesn't cause it / put you at risk? I feel like I should get out and get active anyway, but when I come home, there is so much to do. Mum usually finds something to spring up on me, like go get a calling card or go do this and I have to go back out again. Then I come home and I think, okay, I need to get something done. I need to get some revision done or I need to read around the subject I want to do or take my sister out because she is so bored and she is put as my responsibility as if I am her mum or something. Linda, Busayo has a trip tomorrow, what are you going to buy for her packed lunch? 

It is weird that I feel really stressed. It is holiday. Why isn't anyone replying to their emails. I asked Wendy for a reference and a hospital for work experience and a GP for work experience and no one replies so what am I supposed to do because I do not know. Hahahahaha my sentences seem all incoherent today like it is all over the place. 

I feel like I have bitten of too much than I can chew here. Oh flip. I have written so many plans for the bloody summer. I have a revision plan and I have written a UCAS plan and it is so much... okay, whatever, who gives a crap I just need to chill so much.

It is a holiday by the way

Today, there was a heat wave. I saw an article in the Evening standard implying that the buses were so hot they were not fit to carry cattle in it - let alone people. Trust me, it really was excruciatingly warm! 

Believe it or not, I only went Harrow College because my best friend Bob was going. When she left, I thought, damn, this was a bad decision. I could have went Preston Manor where you can pull computers up from desks or stayed at Ark Elvin, where there would, despite all the changes, be stability. I would still be able to see Mrs Saeed there. 

Now I think, I am glad a so called bad decision led me to Harrow College. When making a decision, people think of the immediate consequences and think, oh this was bad but this was good. However, we cannot see the full picture. 

If I stayed Ark, Mrs Saeed would have left and I would not have anyone who knew me well to give me a UCAS reference. It would be incredibly unstable and I would be around Syed - who annoys me - and Haydn - the type of guy who takes a picture of his d*** and shows it to people. 

If I went Preston Manor, I would have hated all the rules. 

It is perfect at Harrow College. 

It is really supportive. :) 

I got called around 9:00 am from the careers advisor at college. 

She was unable to see me in College because she had a lot of meetings but she corresponded with me with emails to find a good time to call me.

I went to Northwick Park and asked the lady on the front desk if they did work experience and she said no. But the careers advisor has tried to arrange some for me. She also said that she would give her niece my number and email for her to contact me.

At 9:30 I met up with Madvhi and Nikita. We walked back to my house to check if I closed the front door; I was unsure, okay? It turns out I did close the door.

We ventured to City of London University. Madvhi went to the radiology talk and Nikita and I went to the Psychology talk. It was a 1 hour talk and I felt bored. I was 3 psychology talks later. But I am glad I went! I asked the guy about my personal statement and how to integrate Psychology and Medicine and he said I should link it with psychiatry, so challenge accepted. 

We bought lunch and left. I wanted to go home but Madvhi and Nikita wanted to find somewhere nice to have lunch. I did not care. We got on a 4 to Waterloo. The bus was on diversion! Imagine, to get to the museum of London bus stop would have taken 7 minutes but the bus took half an hour. It took an hour to Waterloo. I often suggested getting of the bus and going to a near station and GOING HOME! It was ridiculously humid on the bus. I thought as if I was being suffocated! Madvhi voiced her complains as well, saying, Nikita, we should have really got off. 

However, Nikita was adamant that we got to Waterloo. 

It was worth it! 

We had a beautiful view of London. There was the Thames, London eye and houses of Parliament. I feel the need to get out into London and explore! 

We laid under a tree and ate then walked around. 

We reached a water fountain. 

Madvhi - Guys OMG lets go in

Nikita - No

Madvhi - Olugbemi?

Me-But I do not want to get wet.

Madvhi - Come on!

Me - But my stuff will get wet.

Nikita - I will hold it.

Me - (Reluctantly) Thinks this is stupid and ridiculous and we will be wt with no clothes. But then... 

Fine.

So that is how I got soaking wet. The colour of my jeans started to run and my white shoes because lined with blue. My eyes became itchy and soon they were red and my hair - weave - was wet. My top was so soaked, that even after 2 hours in the sun, it was still dry. 

It was worth it!

]

The one above, I call, shall we go in?

The ones below are:

Immersed in Water (1) (2) (3)

The one's below are called: Okay, we are soaking wet (1) (2)

This one below is called let's go back in! 

 We kept leaving the water fountains after like 5 minutes and then, each time, we decided, we are wet anyway, let's go back in. We did that like 4 times.

I need to sleep early tomorrow. I am going to the Cambridge opening day and I have to leave the house at 7:00 am. 

I am so happy. I got a Chemistry A2 book for £6:00 only! It costs like £25.00 in store! 

My brother brought up Mrs Saeed yesterday in a conversation. It is weird. Like I do not get to talk to her anymore. In Copland, I was in her class so much of the time. Most mornings and some lunch times and sometimes during lunch time and break time and we used to talk. Like sometimes about specific stuff but then sometimes  nonsense. I miss her. She was a great person. It really sucks that if I want to find out how she is, I have to ask my brother and vice versa. Anyway, I asked him how she was and he told me that she seemed upset and I felt like bad so I emailed her to ask if she is okay because my brother said she seemed like she was not, but I do not know. She might not reply. She might. Only time will tell. 

Au revior guys! I like that word. I found out that it does not mean bye but till the next time. :)