The other day a girl asked me, if I have ever liked a boy before.

I felt a bit sort of offended. Like she was not asking if I was a lesbian. 

She under the assumption that if I liked anything, I would like guys. 

She was asking me if I got crushes. If I actually noticed things such as how good looking a guy/ girl is. If I had a sexual orientation.

I do by the way. Just because I do not go like, 'Oh, he is so good looking' does not mean I do not like guys.

I just more find guys who treat a person right attractive.

You could have a very good looking guy who was inconsiderate - that is not appealing to me.

I'd rather decide whether a person is attractive ore not by getting to know them as a person. 

I was thinking about it today. 

I would have thought that having crushes and those awkward feelings of attraction is hardwired in humans. Unfortunately. 

The Cat

Today, on my walk back home, I saw a black and white cat.

I meowed at the cat and it meowed back and approached me. It started to walk around me - it's fur brushing my legs. 

I was worried that the cat would decide that I am its enemy and that it would abruptly scratch me or bite me, but upon stroking the cat, he/she walked around my legs again. 

I am starting to think that I have got cats wrong - yes, their eyes are usually evil looking, but that doesn't mean that cats are evil. 

First impressions are sometimes, spot on. However, sometimes, they are not. I will try bear that in mind.   

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9334605/1/Five-Times-The-Doctor-Mentioned-River-Song

Autumn warmth

Yesterday the weather was beautiful so I thought that I should not waste it.

So I went to Northala field and when I got to the top of the hill, I sat down and read. 

I read all day yesterday outside.

It was a good day. 

Really peaceful.

Today

I totally get that feeling of wanting to be alone then feeling lonely when you are alone.

That was today actually.

So at break I called my mum to say hello.

And she said she was happy I did not forget her.

And I almost started crying.

And for the whole day, I was thinking, I want to go home and hug my mum.

Empowered

Okay guys.

Today, I was feeling a bit stressed. Like OMG, I am already falling behind of studying and I felt like crap all day. Then I though, screw, it, I will not apply to Oxbrigde. Too much hassle. Then I thought, do I even know what I want to do?  Do I even want to go Uni? Then, I thought about it. It is my decision. I will make it wrong sometimes, just like there will always be casualties and just like I will always make mistakes.

Drifters

People just disappear of the face of the earth. 

I miss so many people, it's ridiculous.

I heard this quote on Merlin. 

"What will I do without you?" 

"You will remember me."

It is funny. There are more people I remember

than people who are physically present in my life anymore.

Do we just live to remember ghosts? 

So many people

I am officially back in College.

I was talking to Agata and she was like, she feels as if she has not had lost of time to herself because even on holiday, she was always with Pawel.

I am totally getting that feeling.

In the holiday, I was like, I must not isolate myself. I must not spend all my time studying. I must go places that I want to. So I did.

However, now, back in College, I am feeling, crap, all I want to do is be by myself. I love being around my friends and talking to them. I meet up with Lamis to walk with her to Wembley and with Agata and Amelia and sometimes Zeinab in the mornings. However, sometimes, I feel like, I just sort of need to be alone.

At breaks, since returning, I have sort of left my friends to wonder around College, but it is not an easy task, when everyone knows you. Some people such as Zeinab's friends feel the need to include me and when I tried to leave, the were sort of like, why are you going?

Home time is the worst. The day has left me worn out and I have to get on the 182, which is incredibly demoralizing. Yesterday I went home with Agata and Amelia and then we got off. I saw my friend's brother and said hello, but he started a conversation with me and sat next to me on the bus. I decided, no, I am not having this! So I got off the bus. I got on another and spotted someone I knew on top deck before entering, so I was about to pretend to call someone, then I saw Idil on the bottom deck.

Today, I got on the 182 with Zeinab. Then out of nowhere, June and Madvhi come on the bus. Then this girl Naomi, Zeinab and June knows from NCS come on.