Volunteering

I did some volunteering last week. It was for a community centre and I was helping out with a community youth disco. So I took the opportunity and made this! :) 

 We had cake and icing left over. So I brought them back home for my flatmates and they decorated these cakes. I was so happy! :)

I've got a tonne of work! :o

It's really not the right time to be going home for the weekend.

I feel motivated. I am enjoying the work so it is worth doing.

Support

I had a meeting with my personal tutor the yesterday. She is so lovely.

The other week, I told her about how my mum going Nigeria is worrying me because I won't be around to look after them.

Then she was like, maybe you should book a counselling appointment and talk through things?

At which point, I told her, I have already seeing as my eating hasn't been great so she was like, come yesterday.

I did and I  was soooo nervous.

She told me that I didn't have to tell her anything and that whatever I said would be confidential.

Then she asked about J. And I told her briefly what happened and she was like, I give out the sort of vibes that I am a nice caring person and that I should perhaps be a cow to people so I don't have to be in such a position.

Then she was like, I need to look after myself and asked me if I am used to putting people before me at home.

Then she asked about counselling and I said, yeah, I have an appointment today and she was like, that's great and I said, no, it's not because I wanted to cancel it really but I didn't. Then she told me she is really proud of me. And I thought, but I haven't done anything. She then said something about it being courageous about asking for help when you need it. Then she told me I was scared and that she could tell by my body language because I sort of made myself smaller and I thought, damn it, I didn't know she could read body language as well as facial expressions.

Then she was like, if she'd known, she would have made sure she was free so that she could come with me for my appointment so I have support. And I was thinking, oh my gosh, that is so sweet and so I laughed and told her thanks but I'd rather do this alone and then she laughed because she was like, I am the sort of person who would be happy to help other people and who would offer the same to someone if I were in her position but that I wouldn't.






I feel a bit better with eating hence wanting to cancel the appointment.

However, I cannot guarantee that it won't get worse. I guess, sometimes dealing with something early may make sure it doesn't get worse.

Then I thought, but is this really dealing with it early? My eating habits have never exactly been good. I mean, I wouldn't be overweight if they were. I wouldn't feel so powerless with food. Maybe, if I talk about my eating and deal with it now, I'll get to a place where I am not over or under eating. Where I am not worrying about calories. Where I don't feel like people will judge me.

I didn't cancel my counselling appointment.

It was... it was a little intense. The lady kept probing me. She asked me when my eating habits have been at it's worse. She asked about home and what that is like. She asked if I felt like people are judging me for my eating because I feel like they feel like I am eating too much. She asked about my families eating habit and asked about bullying and if I feel me being overweight is subjective or objective or both. I felt so exposed. Then she told me I am resilient and I laughed and she asked if I believed her and I said no because I feel like, I am constantly a mess and then not a mess and how is that resilient? Then she said that the mess I am talking about is just sort of reacting to stuff that have been tough and that it's fine to sort of be a mess when things aren't going alright.

So yeah, it was intense. In a good way, I guess.

I have another apppointment in a months time and yeah, I'll see how that goes.

The hall way party

The other day, I was talking to M. I told her that she should come out of her room some time and talk to Alicia and I when we have a hallway party.

I went down to Alicia's room today - I was so tired and I could not continue doing my essay. I went to the kitchen and R gave me an apple. I was standing outside Alicia's room and we were talking. Then, R came out of the kitchen and I told her to come join us which she did. Then, I called M and L out of their rooms and so we stood there talking.

Then, I asked them how their days was and Alicia was like, should we go around the circle and so we did and we clapped about everyone's milestones. For instance, R did a test and felt happy after.

Then, I was like, lets go around the circle and talk about three things that made us happy today. L was like, what? Three is so many! So we settled for at least one.

After, I was like, I had to do this task after my positive psychology lecture for a week. That the task in theory should make us feel happier. Then I told them that it is important to look at the happy things in life because then you're focused on happiness.

And with that, I bid them goodnight and commented about how it was a deep and good way to end a hall way party. :)

This weekend was emotionally and mentally draining.

Though it was productive as well. :)

Some people are absolute idiots.

http://www.damnlol.com/more-like-thursday-addams-am-i-right-98835.html

I found his hilarious!

Update

I'm feeling better in terms of food.

I'm sort of only counting calories roughly now.

I'm eating enough so that I don't have energy dips but not so much so I still end up losing a bit of weight.

Also, I am eating around other people when I absolutely have to.

:)

Life

Life is difficult and I'm going to hide out in my room forever and never leave. I'm hiding from one of my flatmates. He's on the floor below (so I can avoid) but in the same kitchen (so I'll have to starve).

I'll get a lot of work done! :)

(It's not that bad, just that shit happens when you're honest because even though people ask for honesty and expect it, they don't actually want it so when you tell someone the truth, they get upset and you feel like crap for telling the truth and wish you hadn't even though it was important).

Mulan

Hey

First time I watched Mulan and it was amazing.

I absolutely loved it.It is officially my favourite Disney film over the Lion King.