Just my opinion

I heard the story about Johnny Depp allegedly hitting his wife.

I read comments because I suspected that there would be a lot of arguments as to whether she was domestically abused or not. 

What really annoyed me was all the people calling her a liar and manipulative. 

All the people who are so quick to blame her. I am not saying she is telling the truth - how could I possibly know. 

But it is really saddening when people come out with rape and abuse allegations and all people do is victim blame or call them liars. Imagine if people are telling the truth. How horrible it must be to suffer from abuse or rape. People go through a lot of police questioning and some, through humiliation. Some people may feel broken or like they can never trust again or like they can never be the person who they were before. Then there are people calling you a liar or manipulative and blaming you. It's really sad :( 

Recently, there have been a lot of council workers at my house.

It feels rather more like a construction site at the moment.

The other week, some of the bathroom tiles started to peel of the wall.

The guy came and removed all the tiles. Then he selotaped plastic to the wall - which is just card board and wood. Then he said someone would come the following Thursday (so yesterday) to fix the tiles and replace the bath.

That same day, a guy for the extractor fan came. It took the piss a bit because it would not work for my mum and it has not work since, but when the guy came all he had to do was push a button to switch it on.

The guy who came yesterday said that the other guy had not mentioned that the bath needed to be replace so that guy had to fill in a report and so they did not do anything yesterday.

Today, a guy came for a routine check of the gas meter and found that there was a gas leak. He switched of the gas. Then he sealed the leak but found that it was still leaking but said he could not do anything about it because it was National Grid's side of the meter that was leaking.

So he called National grid and an hour later another guy came and said, no, there is not a leak on our side of the meter. He also said he could not turn the gas back on and that meter we had was old and rusty and it had something on it that causes problems. As a result, we needed to get the changed. However, the cupboards were blocking him so he could not access it so we needed to call the council to do something about that.

The other guy came back and told us we needed to call the council to fix the boiler and then we'd have hot water without gas. A guy for that turned up 4 hours later and then said that something in the boiler was broken and as a result, we would need to call up the council to come fix that.

My mum called the out of hours service and they told her that she needed to wait to Tuesday to get something done.

Happy Birthday

Hi Agata, Ataga, Bob Moxwell or whatever people call you these days.



Happy 18th Birthday.

I will have your present ready by next week.

I have been sloppy.

I have not even made a card.

I suppose, it does not feel right making cards ans spending an eternity when I am supposed to be studying.

Like I spent an hour in Harrow Shopping Centre yesterday and I only bought one thing.

I guess I need to make a plan.


I know I said I wouldn't let myself get all stressed out by studying.

I am not.

It is just that I feel less stressed when I am studying most of the time.

So I have to study at the moment to feel calm.


You know how in Birthday cards, people tend to write stuff like

Thank you for being a great friend all through these years and for being there for me and stuff like that - ( I  have so many cards that do that. There is one from Zeinab like, 'I know this has been a bad year for you ... we've come out stronger ... and it was whole paragraphs.)

I shall not write that on the card I make. I don't feel like getting all sentimental and cheesy and telling you how much of a great best friend you have been and how I am lucky to have someone who has stayed with me through the thick and thin and that I love you so so much. I shall not write that the time I do not spend with you, I spend either missing you or reminiscing of the many great memories I have over the years. I shall not write that I feel that we make each other better and that with you, I feel lighter (metaphorically) and less conscious about stuff.

I shall not do that because I hope you already know that. No actually, I know you already know that you mean the world to me.

So yeah. (Do you see what I did there?)

I hope you do not mind the pictures.

Guess what?

I am actually really so happy.

It feels rather surreal as well.

Basically, yesterday, I received an email from an old friend, Hayat.

Well, I say old friend. (We met in college last year) but still that feels like an eternity.

It was rather weird thinking about it, because we became really good friends really quick.

It was so out of the blue.

We used to email each other and then one day, she stopped replying.

She used to go to the other campus of Harrow College until one day she got moved.

So I had no idea where she was or how she was doing.

Then I saw her on results day and she gave me her new number and email which I tried to no avail.

It was weird. I have been thinking about her increasingly these days.

I have prayed that she was in a good place and that her anxiety was getting better.

And I have hoped that I would bump into her and catch up or that she'd email me or something.

And then out of the blue yesterday, she emailed me.

Now I am practically checking me email like every second seeing if she has replied to my latest email so that I can respond.

It is great how things work.

This two weeks have  been weird and great in that way.

Basically, when my older sister popped up on Saturday, after two years. My dad was really really so happy. :)

I remember when the priest in the church that I go to left. 

This was two years ago (when I was in year 11).

He was giving a sermon and decided to throw tennis balls into the mix.

He wrote words on them such as love, courage and hope. 

And said something like, what you need most of all will come to you. (Metaphorically as in the words written on the ball). 

Then he started to throw tennis balls - neglecting health and safety. 

It was rather cool and peculiar. A bunch of neon green balls were flying around the church. 

The word I got was courage. 

I thought, hmmm, courage. Why would I need courage?

I thought perhaps hope would be more fitting giving that at the time, I was drowning and struggling to breath - metaphorically - and it was dark and I was unhappy. 

It is pretty cool being able to think in hindsight. 

Thinking about it now, I did need courage, a lot more than I needed hope. 

It's really great that God gives us things that we do not ask for, but need. 

Things that we do not really consider or things that we take for granted. 

Update

I am meeting up with a friend tomorrow and one on Wednesday and I know I sound like a horrible person, but I'd much rather stay at home. I do not want to travel. I do not want to mix with people. I just was to study, drink herbal tea and cook. 

I feel really happy. Everything is going well. Student finance has received the information that I sent. I feel physically well too. No incessant sneezing. Also, I have been eating better recently. I make sure I chew slowly when eating and that there is healthy food to snack on in between meals and so most days, I am eating less that I did usually and eating better. Also, I am exercising and it is more consistent that it has every been - even though I tire after five minutes. It is a start and I am feeling good. 

I got a lot done today. I did the test for the scholarship - and I did well in it, because according to the email they sent me after, I reached the next stage. Also, I finally sent off my financial declaration to Pembroke.

Hiatus

Hello world,

I am sort of on a hiatus from the outside world.

I won't be on my phone much at all.

I will be mostly at home and if I am not, I will be somewhere like Northala Fields.

The next couple of days are going to revolve around: studying intensively; eating healthy and exercising. I guess just getting my mind in the right place for the exam.

At the moment, I just do not want to deal with the outside world.

Everything I guess about other people is just getting to me / putting pressure on me.

The other day, my boss sort of told me off because a girl was sat opposite me eating popcorn even though I did not know her at all.

I think Lima and I had an argument and we are both sort of just ignoring the other's exsistance for the time being.

People keep coming up to me and asking me to help them with studying and like, it put's pressure on me having to sort either say no, or say yes and find a time that does not clash with something else that I have to do.

It is actually starting to annoy me because I made plans with both Evelin and her arch nemesis on the same day and I couldn't either of them that I had plans with the other, otherwise both parties would have got offended and I did not want to deal with that and to be honest, it was tiring and I'd rather just not make plans with people at the moment.

So the latter was a bunch of irrational excuses for going on a hiatus. (It will only be from today till Tuesday afternoon because I have to work in the evening.)