It was one of those unenthusiastic discussions where my form tutor would ask questions only to answer them himself. What are the two types of stress class? After a couple of minutes of prodding any bit of an idea of what they could be, he gave up, and told us; acute and chronic.
My point is not stress. It's the feeling of feeling stressed and pushing it away - that is what I revise, because I know that I am only capable if I put in effort into revising. So I revise a lot. Revise a lot means good grades. Good grades are not equal to actual knowledge - just the ability to work hard. I do not try to grasp knowledge though - it's about looking good and good grades = looking good. You tell a person you get 5 A*'s and 6 A's for GCSE's modestly and they give you a look like, wow, you must be really smart and you can get a lot of good jobs. Good jobs = money and lets face it, money rules all our lives as we develop. Give a new born paper and metal and they will try bit it, yet it has become so essential that we grip on to money; that we have a lot of it.
However, why I am stressed, is that getting good grades are a key part of my personality- maintaining that illusion. It makes me feel as if I have come so far. The girl who the world tried to stop. She could not prononciate properly; people put her down, she wasn't always confident or articulate and she did not always believe in herself. There was so much that could have stopped her - that could have hindered her many talents. There was so much in her way, and yet, she still tried and that trying is not the only thing that determines where she is going. Not other people and their taunts. I mean, yes, she was hurt when they chanted rhino and she felt dumb for a while, but still, she tried.
Failing is a fear of mines. If I fail then what girl will I be? Surely not the one who tried. I mean, if I try hard enough, I won't fail, right? That being said, failure is necessary; I know that - I am just not accustomed to it's presence, because failure now isn't failing. There is much more gravity on the word as it stands; it's: doing the best I can; meeting others standards - and trust me, they're high; always being happy and it's too much and failing would be having to admit that it is too much and there is shame in that. You know, admitting that you are not what the world expects. The world shames that.
